Anime Review #1- Rosario + Vampire

I’ve actually been meaning to write about this one for a while. The premise is perfect. A boy who fails to get into any prestigious private schools is accidentally enrolled in a school for monsters, Yokai Academy. The only human, surrounded by snow ghosts, succubi, werewolves, vampires, witches, cat people and blob monsters quickly attracts a posse of magical females… who all want him. The age and premise make this akin to a gender-swapped City of Bones. Powerful females constantly protecting the puny human from a world that he was unwillingly cast into? Multiple suitors vying for affection? One of them is an outright stalker?

Yup.

Tsukune Aono flirts with Moka Akashiya (who is a sweet girl wearing a rosary that keeps her violent vampire form underwraps), Tsukune likes her but doesn’t like sharing his blood and isn’t 100% about dating a vampire. He is also pursued by a busty succubus, Kurumu…

…and the super stalker Mizore.

 

Mizore begins as a villain, willing to hurt Kurumu, Moka and even Tsukune himself while in pursuit of his affections. During the altercation Tsukune blames himself. Says that this is all happening because of him. Kurumu wisely speaks up, telling him that he is not to blame, “It is never the victims fault! People are responsible for their own actions!”

This is something that is few and far between in media aimed for the tween and teen set (although I wouldn’t rate this anime in that category) we often see victim blaming in YA. Examples include, audiences not liking Clary’s “friendzoning” of Simon, the “romantic” stalker Edward’s over protectiveness of Bella, Buffy’s mother blaming her for the creeper behavior by Angelus after they sleep together. So I had a fist pump moment when she blurted that out.

Tsukune is also kind of a special snowflake himself: he’s the only one that can remove the cross from Moka’s neck. He solves his problem using traditionally female tactics like talking out problems with the monster.

Although I’m touting the feminist power of Rosario + Vampire… Moka’s transformation scene leaves much to be desired in that category.

At Anime Boston there was a panel called “Fight Like a Girl: How Magical Girls Weaponize Femininity” the presenter was named Nina (if anyone has additional info, throw me a comment, I’d love to add it) and she brought up this excellent point about magical girl transformation scenes from Sailor Moon and Ballerina Tutu. The Females put on jewelry, get a hair makeover and/or change into a fancier outfit. This can have both negative and positive interpretations. From “you have to be beautiful and girly to have power” to “you can be pretty and girly and have ability as well” to “pride in your appearance can be empowering” and it is really individual preference that will dictate one’s interpretation.

But with Moka: We get and upskirt, her breasts enlarge and her shirt busts open. Brief flashes of (albeit not graphic) nudity ensue before her hair lightens. Her inner-vampire is a true immortal in the body of a girl and I see why this happens but I have trouble concocting a positive twist on cleavage and panty shots being a sign of power. The anime itself is rated MA 18+ (there’s a BDSM teacher/monster, a perverted senior and a million upskirts) so the case can be made that this is for adults… but the characters are still Freshman and Sophomores and one member of their group is only 11, Yukari Sendou.

And the lessons learned are very teenage. Yukari, for example, faces bullying for being a witch (a “being of the borderline” AKA a supernatural HUMAN) until Moka and Tsukune stick up for her. She’s also coming to terms with her sexual orientation she falls first for Moka and then for Tsukune she wants them to have a three way relationship. In one episode, after being teased by volumptuous Kurumu she wants to grow up and visits the school nurse who feeds off her body shame and self loathing but transforms her into a beautiful womanly figure who instantly attracts attention. In the end she learns to love herself as she is and not grow up too fast. So the rating and life lessons are very incongruent. I don’t know what the rating is in Japan and I have heard that the 18+ rating is ethnocentric and based on prudish Western connotations.

Still.. there’s nothing empowering about wind blowing your skirt up.

If you can get passed that it is very good and lots of fun. I enjoy seeing how the group of friends gets out of trouble and am impressed with how often opening their circle up to other characters- who are mainly female- solves conflict. I also enjoyed the varied interpretations of monsters, and despite pandering to male audiences there is some genuine girl power.

Book Review- Night Play by Sherrilyn Kenyon #29

Do I have to read the whole book to say with certainty that this is the worst book I ever read?

Night play is a Dark Hunter novel. It’s about werewolf type creatures that are cursed. Half of the species has human hearts and half animal hearts. There are also Bears and Hawks and other shapeshifters. It doesn’t really matter, because aside from shitshows of manliness the whole umm… plot… is kind of in the back ground.

Yeah, so the main character, Vane, is mourning his brother who is in a coma and expected not to recover, they are being hunted by their father. His sister and mother are both dead for the same reasons. Sounds really… tragic? overly dramatic? angsty? Doesn’t matter. For the first half of the book you’ll almost never hear about it. Vane meets “Bride.” a woman working in a vintage shop and falls madly for her.

And we follow these two idiots around forever. I’m on page 141/371 and I don’t know how much more I can actually stand.

Here are SOME of the offending issues:

Vane goes into her shop and asks her for a recommendation for a gift. She asks if its for his GF. He says “I could never be so lucky.” and she thinks he could get any girl, who would turn him down -and I quote- “On second thought, she hoped she never met a woman that attractive. If she did,she would be morally obligated to run her over with her car.” No you wouldn’t! No you would not be ‘obligated’ to cause her drastic physical harm! What the fuck is wrong with you?! How other women look is none of your damn business! Insecure freakshow.

Vane, after creepily asking Bride if she worked in the store alone SMELLED that she got scared and thought “But then, (humans) were weak, especially their females.” This is the main character. Who I think I’m supposed to think is troubled but charming… BUT FUCK YOU.

He says his last name “Kattalakis” and she says, “That’s very different. You must have a hard time spelling it for people.” Why the fuck would he have a hard time spelling his own name, bubblehead?

Later, they get marked by a thing that says they are soulmates. Vane takes this a sign that he should stalk er… “protect” her and he changes into wolf form and spies on her having an annoying conversation with her friends about “who’s the fattest’ One; I hate that shit. Normalized chick behavior of talking about who’s fat and what freaky diet they are on. For some reason this is acceptable female bonding. And of course, two, Vane is pretending to be a canine and spying on her and sleeping inside her house under false pretenses!! NOT romantic. NOT sexy. NOT charming. Sick. 

Bride’s ex shows up to drop off her stuff. He’s an ass to her. Vane, in Wolf form, bites him. Taylor, the ex, says he will sue. Bride says she will say that Taylor threatened her and who will believe him? So now this uncomfortable, but NORMAL adult interaction has turned into a shit show of manliness. Which is bad enough, but then THEN to top it off, Bride says that she will make false allegations that he was intimidating and/or abusing her. So, let’s just make it look like women make flip decisions to file false abuse charges. Just lying hos when they don’t get their way, huh? Then Vane in human form shows back up and gives Taylor a black eye. After throwing tens of thousands of dollars around to get movers to take Bride’s things inside. Once again, our he-man hero doesn’t need words, he just needs physical violence and big paychecks. Also, why he has so much money makes no sense.

He does, at one point, ask for consent. Very rad. unfortunately this came directly after stalking and ‘one true love that i must protect’ BS, “I might toss you over my shoulder and ravish you again.” “Would you really?” “I would if you’d let me.”

But a meager 4 pages later; “He’d never understood what had driven his father to attack his mother. Now he did Every part of him simmered for (Bride). It was feverish and raw and he wasn’t sure how to control it. I’m sorry.. abuse and rape are presented as something that happens when someone is “passionate”? I mean, what the fuck here? He’s just so attracted to her he might violate her! Fucking romantic, huh?

I’m all set.

We have a MC who is a confirmed violent stalker who thinks rape is a normal way to show affection. Bride is a fickle, shallow, boring, low self esteem having Pollyanna. She spend pages upon pages focusing on her negative body image and shitty internal dialogue. We’re supposed to see that Vane thinks she is beautiful. But he’s a fucking creepy stalker. His word don’t mean shit in my book. Fuck it, in anyone’s book. Beauty starts from within. And a woman with no self confidence who only sees herself reflected through the eyes of a man, who hates other women because of their appearance, who cannot deal with normal grown up social interactions on any level? Nope. Not beautiful.

The characters names: Daimon, Kyrian, Acheron, Vane, Fang, Bride.

NO ONE HAS THESE AWFUL NAMES

How long must I tolerate this crap? Will I DNF or see how many glaring flaws I can add up? Tune in next time.

Sleepy Hollow Episode 12

There’s a map of leylines with a door into purgatory. Guess who has it? John Noble returns as the Sin Eater to help free Katrina so that she can defeat the second horseman. Jenny is very-much against the plan. Moloch guards purgatory an Moloch split up their family, but Abbie thinks it has to be done. Jenny delivers the best line of the night, “I have more than faith, I’m a mental patient with a gun..” and gets sidelined listening to Corbin’s tapes. They need an intern. 

In Purgatory Abbie awakens with a bump on the head. She’s reunited with Corbin and Andy. Ichabod Crane is greeted and celebrated by a bunch of powdered wigs. On is his father accepting him, in reality his father disowned him after betraying England. Corbin serves Abbie apple pie ala mode and they are in terrible danger of forgetting why they are there. 

The first test is temptation: Abbie tries to convince herself that it isn’t real.. the pie turns into blood and Andy’s head bends back… the house falls away. Ichabod’s unravels similarly.

Jenny finds a hint about ruins of an old church.

Demons with cloudy eyes and cut of ears, faceless crying girls, creepy fog and darkness don’t keep Abbie and Ichabod apart. They prove they are the genuine article with a secret handshake and venture after Katrina encountering all manner of creepy. But they find her only to find that she can’t leave unless another soul takes her place. womp womp. 

Abbie says she will take on Moloch while Ichabod gets out with Katrina. Katrina gives Abbie an amulet to protect her. Vowing to return to set her free. Katrina and Ichabod bust through to the real world. Katrina is excited, Ichabod is torn but staying focussed. Abbie hit Moloch with a stick and pushes the amulet into his flesh. 

Jenny gets to the church… and we cut away to Ichabod, Katrina and Henry to the spot where the second horseman will emerge. Jenny is trying to find why someone would want to hide the abandoned church’s name and she finds the sign… tearing off in her truck calling to warn Abbie that the Saint’s name is a sign.. literally the name on the sign. In her haste the horseman (the headless one) gets in her way and takes a shot at her. And you better hope he holds her up because Jenny is probably going to kill Ichabod and Katrina.

Abbie is hiding from Moloch in a kiddy cartoon house with a fragment of herself… the memory of the day that she and Jenny met Moloch.

Apocalypse means to disclose or reveal?! Thanks for the etymology lesson. Oh, and beeteedubs? Henry is the horseman. He’s used their faith against them. He explains his evil ways ad naseum and five minutes later Katrina figures out he’s the second horseman. But in the ultimate “what the shit?!” moment: Henry is their son. Katrina is actually happy that her son survived the “death hex” but of course he was just in stasis fully cognizant of time passing for 2 centuries. Moloch raised him out of the ground. He considers Moloch his father (the day he was raised was the day Abbie met Moloch).

Abbie tries to escape realizing what’s happened. 

St. Henry’s Parish was the name of the church… the former Jeremy took the name Henry Parish out of spite. Ichabod argues that Katrina suffered more than Jeremy (as if that would matter to him, Katrina was an adult and Jeremy was a child made to suffer for their actions… that’s not the same). 

Jenny’s outcold. Headless rides in. Ichabod gets sealed up underground… Abbie’s in purgatory… Dire circumstances… and no more until FALL?!?!?!

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #4

Yay, this series is back on schedule! This one was originally supposed to be out in October

 

subscription cover by Ken Haeser.

Ash and Cassie are on the hunt for more pages from the Necronomicon. Washing off goopy blood in the motel sink they meet up with a friend of Cassies; Cat …who travels with a dog. She’s a government employee and she has another tip. In this area over the past three weeks, four children have gone missing. What’s really weird is that they are all related to Benjamin Blackswell, who lived in Stamford, CT between 1644 and 1701. Witch trials + Necronomicon + strangely high rates of disappearances? yeah, sounds right.

Especially cool? the fact that since that was 300+ years ago: no one would have made that connection. But for Cat, running genealogies is a “hobby” making her meticulous and Sherlockian… and a blonde hottie in a pink sweater who travels with a dog so fierce that Ash mistakes it for a mole horse deadite. …it is actually a demon dog, which Cassie travelled with circa 2011, Bomb Queen versus Hack/Slash era.

The issue begins with a flashback to the past where Sarah Toothaker is saved from certain death (being hanged for being a witch). She’s not a witch, she just denied the advances of the Magistrate and it earned her a spot on the gallows. But somehow she appears in the future, in a pile of bones, with a man who knows her name. Hmmm…

Sarah has some out of wedlock, unheard of in her time, intercourse with this man. The man is the former lead singer for JesusFist. During a tour, they stopped at a flea market and he found one of Sarah’s journals and through her words: he fell in love with her. 

Cassie and Ash get a little tense (Ash was trying to make a lesbian threesome joke. Cassie didn’t approve… because he fetishizes the hell out of her relationship. Not cool.) But to lighten the mood, he teaches her to moon cars. 

Then they see a deadite man-bat.

Peter (from JesusFist) is chaining Sarah to a stake… she’s blindfolded. Ready to hang are the kidnapped children. Peter is feeding them to the deadite. Paying a tithe for bringing Sarah back. Sarah is outraged and disgusted. Their heritage, being descendants of Blackswell is not their fault. As the deadite is about to get his meal… Cassie arrives.

She blows off the deadite’s head, makes some threats and then Ash falls in a hole full of deadites that try to drag him to hell.. oh. boy. The deadites, not satisfied without their four soul meal..

Then Sarah starts to go deadite. The souls were an exchange for hers. Peter cries that Sarah was born in the wrong time. Sarah says she would rather die. Peter waffles… and so Ash takes matters into his own hands, behinding the 17th century maiden.

Cassie looks remorsefully at the brokenhearted Peter. He’d tried to find a better way, but that was the only spell that they would sell him. 

Cassie and Ash drop the five children (still with their heads covered at a near by Qwik Stop. The boys are pretty unfazed. Cassie tells them that no one will believe the demon stuff, that they should say it was drug dealers or terrorists. 

Then… Cassie Hack and Ash make out!? Ash protests “What about your girlfriend? You guys got that cute little kid–“

Elsewhere- The redhaired cult leader is getting it on when the book calls to her. The necronomicon tells her that “A new history begins”

The villain and victim in this issue was awesome. Peter fell in love with Sarah for her mind, through her words. …goofily, because her “poetry” was “so metal” 

But Cassie and Ash making out? I hope there is some angle. After repeatedly having her same-sex relationship fetishized by the pervy and being highly offended by it… them hooking up… is nonsense. Honestly, the whole idea of it is so bullshit. I would rather they go the “friends forever” route instead of …whatever is happening. If they become love interests… I’m going to be mad! And everyone should be. It’s been hinted at that Cassie is bi -and that’s all good and fine, but Ash making “jokes” about her sexuality and making out with her while she’s unconscious… he deserves a knuckle sandwich, not kisses. Please please please… move away from this. It’s inappropriate and degrading to have Cassie’s committed homosexual relationship presented as temporary and fleeting for laughs for horror fans. STAHP

Sleepy Hollow Episode 10

So here we are: in the episode titled: “the Golem” (which should have aired during Hanukkah, but instead is parading as a Holiday Episode), Ichabod is all “bah humbug” and thinking of his son… How did he grow up? What did he experience? Which is fine: it’s great, it’s real. But the fact that that this is touted as “How far would one father go?” …This infatuation that we have with romanticising DNA and biology with family… It’s not the same thing. 

The Sin Eater/Henry (played by John Noble from Fringe yay… welcome back!) Chokes Ichabod until he sees Katrina. Wow. (that’s what Walter Bishop would have done)

His son’s name was Jeremy. Katrina gave him up for adoption (After Ichabod died, but before she got stuck in limbo… which makes for some odd timing, really) She sent the baby off with Abbie’s ancestors. Katrina was banished by her own coven. Ichabod vows to find out what happened to baby Jeremy (230 years ago…)  Ichabod awakens in front of the Sin Eater after seeing a monster bust in to the Sanctuary in Purgatory. Then this leatherfaced eyeless monster awakens in the real world.

Are any of Jeremy’s descendants still alive? Who cares? Ichabod crunches some numbers and discovers that he potentially has 6000 living relatives.

Orlando Jones, Captain Frank rving is having a crisis of faith. 

Ichabod goes to find info about Trinity Church (Irving’s Church), where Katrina left Jeremy. Jeremy is possibly a pyrokinetic having inherited Katrina’s “powers” …umm… wasn’t Katrina a practicing witch? I didn’t think she had inherited abilities… ummm… Was she an X-Man? Anyway… Abbie’s ancestor’s dies in the blaze, which Ichabod apologizes for. Abbie tells him it wasn’t his fault (which it wasn’t and she NEVER MET THESE PEOPLE, they died 200+ years before her birth… DNA does not make you a FAMILY… omg)

While they are investigating at the Historical Center Library… the squirrely librarian makes a break for it. She gets in her car and then is promptly smashed like playdoh in the hands of a toddler. Ichabbie and the Sin Eater seem unsurprised, unfased by the gore and really didn’t to seem alarmed at where the monster may have gone to.

The Sin Eater has a reaction to a possession of the librarian’s. It is a box with the crest of Katrina’s coven. It’s full of lies and sins!

Jeremy was abused and accidentally manifested a monster to exact revenge. A monster of rage and grief in the absence of someone to protect him… ANGST for Ichabod! He should have been there! Even though from when he was living during the Revolution to how long he has been awake/alive again, if that happened in a straight line… this child would not even be alive. So… obviously this is stupid, to me anyway. Maybe someone buys into this whole DNA MEANS HE’S MY SON!! But I …umm.. don’t subscribe to that. Meanwhile we have never heard about any other of his family members, of friends, colleagues or cohorts.

After a brief visit where Irving tells his ex-wife that she deserved better than what he gave; Irving is enjoying the day out with Macy (Amandla AKA Rue from Hunger Games) talking about how she is not helpless and that she will fight to get out of the wheelchair and be capable. While he buys her a hot chocolate, the hot dog vendor gets cloudy eyed and says “but how strong is she?” Irving shakes the man down and a spirit floats out of him (the man left bewildered) and floats into a woman behind.

The search for the monster, that they decided through dubious deduction is a Golem. The search leads them to a carnival and a group of creepy witches. They say that Ichabod will seal their fate and they will die tonight (who cares?) 

The coven, I guess, said that they would help Jeremy. But he refused. So they invoked a hex to stop his heart. 

“You murdered my son.”

But only his blood can end the Golem. 

….

Ichabod and his son HAVE THE SAME BLOOD …that is most definitely NOT how genetics work… but I guess it’s good enough for magic. Ichabod tells the Golem that Jeremy is gone and there is nothing left to protect. The Golem is unrelenting and Ichabod is forced to stab him. He holds the Golem while he dies and says goodbye to his son through the Golem. He tells him he has endured enough and to be at peace. 

Calling the creature a Golem, despite obvious difference seemed like another way to connect all this supernatural mumbo jumbo to the Bible (because we have to make sure the Christian pantheon stays relevant in all this, right?) the creature’s manifestation was quite different in that it involved blood magic instead of prayer and walking in a circle around the raw material… but actually the manner of vanquishing was as similar, usually one would decommission a Golem by saying the words backwards, walking in the opposite direction around the Golem… and the Golem had to be taken out by the same blood… actually… it’s not that similar.

The Morlock scene at the end was the CHEESIEST. MORLOCK IS COMING FOR ABBIE’S SOUL!!

we got a #mistletease with Ichabbie. 

Why did we have the one angsty episode and then Ichabod lays his son to rest (mentally) in the span of 45 minutes? 

Honestly what ever is happening with Frank Irving was much more interesting. Let’s have more Orlando Jones action hero. 

Sleepy Hollow- Episode 9

Ichabod knows why Katrina is really in purgatory. But, now that they know Death himself is an enemy on a personal level with Ichabod, and the apocalypse is literally revolving around him, they decide that they  NEED Katrina.

Lena Gilbert, billionaire has just purchased a house, an old house, full of history, her family’s history in fact. As she scampers in with wide eyes, she finds a closet full of vines, one grabs her and cuts her, before she can react, they entangle her wrist.

Ichabod is missing his wife “at a time when people are giving thanks.” Abbie tells him that he has lost more than any man should and she understands and doesn’t take it personal that he is lonely.Irving calls the pair into his office. Turns out Lena’s family went back to the founding fathers. She’s “missing.” Also, it turns out that Lena’s family is also Katrina’s family.

The manor was a sanctuary (and former slaves could stay there safely and earn a fare wage). Upon entering, Abbie finds the man who was with Lena dead, appearing to have been attacked by an animal.They also see bloody hand prints and drag marks across the floor. Abbie tries to call it in: no signal. Goes for the door: it slams in her face.

“We’re in a damn haunted house.” -Abbie.

Abbie sees a ghost, typical Insidious style hauntings and creeps. Ichabod remembers a trip there with Katrina. When, in being a quaker a nurse and a witch and a debutant was she doing this? her backstory is preposterous. 

They find Lena in the closet and do their best to untangle her. And outside those trees from Evil Dead come alive. She screams at them that the house is alive (they don’t listen).

Back at Irving’s office, Jenny tries to invite him to dinner, his family shows up… nice to see some of his back story.

Apparently, in Lena’s family tree there was a warlock, he put a protection spell on the manor that got out of hand. What’s outside starts coming for them (filmed “ghostfacers” style, in the dark, choppy with flashlights for effect. It’s well done, helps the audience feel the sensation of being pursued).

Irving tries to explain to his ex-wife about the crazy things that have been going on, she accuses him of hiding from his responsibilities as a father. Macy and Jenny have a heart to heart. Jenny never really had the family thing and is nervous, it’s very endearing and it’s nice that Frank is getting a complex backstory as well.

At the haunted house, the two lose track of Lena and Abbie follows a ghost and sees Katrina birthing a son. Ichabod’s son. Then crows commit suicide smashing themselves into the windows. The second the son was born is when Groot the tree people come to life. They escape with Lena after a creepy battle by leaving in the same way the nursemaid took Katrina and the infant- but Crane goes back in and works out some rage against all those evil things that come for him and his.

At the end: Lena Gilbert sends them a gift  the documents that she found. Abbie’s ancestor brought Ichabod’s son into the world. And then they celebrate Tgiving with some rum! And toast to finding family!

This episode was great: excellent character development for Irving, brief but awesome Jenny appearance, Macy (Irving’s daughter) was played by Amandla Stenberg (Rue from Hunger Games). Super diverse cast gets more awesome by the moment. Apparently next week Ichabod is trying to find his son… reads the line “how far will a father go” …umm… he just found out this child existed…  maybe I’m bitter, but DNA does not make you a parent. But John Noble will be back!

The live tweet got a little intense as we debated the relationship status of the Mills sisters and their friends. Any hook ups that you’re waiting for? Or are you not buying the hype? Think Ichabbie should just go the “friends forever” route?

Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks that Katrina is ridiculous: she’s a Quaker nurse debutante witch …and mother. I feel like they constantly change her backstory (and then smush them all together) to suit their needs as the story continues.

Sleepy Hollow- Episode 8

Death is trapped and Abiie teaches Ichabod how to fist bump.

But try as they might, they can’t destroy him. But he is trapped in a bunker designed by Jefferson and his wife’s witch coven.

They plan to interrogate the Horseman.

“I don’t think he’ll talk.” -Captain Irving.

Ichabod and Abbie decide to call in Brooks (John Cho)

Irving: “A dead man, a mental patient and a time traveller from the American Revolution”

Abbie: “That’s our team.”

Meanwhile; 2 hunters find the Hessian’s horse and one makes a phone call saying they must assemble a team. Then he shoots the other.

Jenny gets picked up while she was enjoying a sunny day and a soy latte. No reason, but Irving wants to talk to her. Irving wants to make sure she’s really down. 

In Andy’s things, Ichabod finds a tablet with Egyptian hieroglyphs, and Andy freaks the hell out. Ichabod finds that Andy is the necromancer, he gives Andy a chance to redeem himself. Andy begs Abbie not to make him go to the horseman. His soul doesn’t belong to him anymore. He has no choice not to obey the horseman. But Abbie says please, and he agrees.

Irving takes Jenny to the scene of a faked robbery. The shop owner, hiding in a room behind a fake wall, has been shot. And something that could break the hex spell on the horseman’s cell has been stolen. Jenny surmises that they will take out the grid next so that the UV lights that weaken the horseman will go out. 

At the interrogation, Ichabod pushes the horseman and a  necklace belonging to Katrina falls from his uniform. Then we are treated to a flashback of Ichabod, Katrina and Ichabod’s friend who Katrina was originally betrothed to, Abraham. 

At the power grid, Irving and Jenny are teamed up and suited up. Irving gets snuck up on, but quickly gets the upper hand (Orlando Jones is such a badass lately). 

The Horseman says he knows Katrina’s destiny. Ichabod taunts him. The Horseman lashes out and says he will kill Ichabod. Ichabod was his mission, Washington’s prized soldier. The Horseman set out to avenge the death of Abraham (who Ichabod betrayed and killed!?)

The power goes out. UV lights are off. The Horseman releases Andy from his control. 2 hours until the power is back on and every minute the horseman grows stronger.

Abbie wants to know what happened with Abraham. Devastated after Katrina broke her troth, the pair were on a clandestine mission to deliver the Declaration and Resolves. Abraham is concerned about how he will look with Katrina leaving him! Ichabod confesses that Katrina admitted her love to him and he asks for his blessing (really, you thought this was the time?). Abraham challenges him, at first Ichabod refuses to draw his sword and yields, but Abraham does not decline. Hessians shoot Abraham while Ichabod is at his mercy and they surround Ichabod and Abraham, the other man orders Ichabod to flee and finish the mission. 

Abbie tells Ichabod that the interrogation must stop because he is out of control. Irving and Jenny come down to the tunnels. Irving suggests back-up, Abbie and Jenny disagree, could be dirty cops again. They decide to keep everyone out of the tunnels, but leave to get heavier artillery. Ichabod stays behind, unwilling to leave the horseman alone. Andy pulls a talisman out of his gut and recites an incantation that summons demons and will free the Horseman. He had tried to tell everyone that he had no choice and wouldn’t be able to stop something like this.

The Horseman challenges Ichabod to a sword fight. During the duel, he realizes the Horseman is really Abraham. Morlock came to Abraham as he died and he made a deal with the devil.He says that Katrina is held for him and will be his.again. At the last second before the Horseman has his revenge on Ichabod, Andy calls the acolytes of Morlock to secure the Horseman. Ichabod lives and the other two disappear.

Talking it over with Abbie, Ichabod says he created a monster. Abbie says that Abraham made his own choices and that people are responsible for themselves. They discuss Katrina and Ichabod says that she is the key and must be freed.

This episode was truly awesome. Action packed. Jenny’s back, Irving played a great role. 

Unfortunately… it didn’t really make sense overall. The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse… you know, from the Bible, had mythology that long predated the American Revolution. So how is it that Abraham could be one of THE Horseman? The whole universe revolves around Ichabod? a little ridiculous. Just a little. And why did it take so long for them to decide to get Katrina out? You’d think Ichabod would have been working on that somewhere in between contracting the plague and getting kidnapped by freemasons. But I’m glad it’s being addressed so she can either be free or dead and there is some sort of resolution either way with how Ichabod’s affections will go. 

I am pumped that Jenny and Irving and Andy were all in the foreground this episode, certainly the most diverse cast in genre fiction TV at the moment. Although this might hold more meaning if events of biblical proportions weren’t all centered around Ichabod (a true American patriot), his “true love” and a jealous jerk.

5 more episodes this season, I hope to see John Cho again and sincerely hope that we get more Jenny and that Captain Frank Irving gets his action on. After being skeptical and hands off in the first few episodes it’s nice to see him show what he is made of. 

Underburbs Vol. 2

This collection includes issues 4, 5, 6 and 7. Winifred’s quest to turn the people holed up in Mall-Mart into monsters has not been dampened, for the first time ever the door between worlds has stayed open past Halloween night. Angela enrolls in monster school and infiltrates the Underburbs and tries to recover the scroll that can turn humans into monsters and is responsible for keeping the door between world’s open. Winifred spends her time plotting and scheming …and later digging. The girls also start to form a genuine friendship, Angela goes from being a “frenemy” or a man on the inside to being Winifred’s real friend. She’s torn, knowing that she must thwart the “Duchess” 

Angela also makes friends with Bel a devil girl who hates Winifred but is probably vastly more evil and Shelley… she’s a Frankenstein’s monster who’s always getting chased by angry villagers. Shelley is gawky and awkward and also a good person who keeps an eye out for Angela. The two are supposed to hang out, but Angela gets stuck with Winifred as they face their greatest obstacle yet …BUREAUCRACY. A paper pusher from above ground who ended up with “people fingers” becomes our pale protagonist’s worst foe yet!

The collection has rad extras like early sketches and creature concept development, there’s also “commentary” with characters after each issue. 

Our girls get a little deeper as we get a peek past Winnie’s diva persona and see her homelife is not perfect and see how evil monsters in the Underburbs can be. Angela’s brother (calling himself Death Lantern) and his posse, Demonica and Goth Mummy make mischief but generally being just a clueless goon in the eyes of either Angela or Winifred. Angela has a moment where it’s all too much and she doesn’t know why or how she is trying to stop Winifred. But she makes the best of it while she goes along, trying and succeeding to fit in, leaving us to wonder if she will want to door between worlds closed after all. 

You can purchase Vol. 2 here. And you should. While the concept of a monster high school may not be unique, the human aspect of Underburbs’ main monsters are what really get attention. These issues were awesome and really created depth for our girls. Bonus features add insight into Joe Haley and TJ Dort’s creative process and call themselves out on mistakes along the way. A fun read for sure.

5 out of 5 pumpkins.

Sleepy Hollow Episode 5

A boy is playful teased by a young girl and he chases her through the woods, until he is chased him self by a man on the horse. He has a head and looks like Attila the Hun. The boy runs away and into modern day Sleepy Hollow. Lieutenant Mills, who has moved Ichabod into Corbin’s cabin, is called when they boy turns up unconscious, Ichabod invites himself along. The boy awakens briefly and begins speaking middle English.

Ichabod studied Middle English at Oxford (I mean, of course!) and tells Irving and Mills that the boy said “Evil Girl” The boy has “blackening veins” and the quarantine him. Ichabod goes and Skype’s in middle English. Abbie is still holding out the idea that the boy is modern and was being held by some freak show who taught him a dead language so he couldn’t ask for help.

They believe the boy is from Roanoke.. no no, not Virginia, the Lost colony. That’s a real thing by the way. First English Settlement in established in 1585. It vanished. BUT Middle English was only a thang until 1470… then they would have been speaking Early Modern English.. whatever.

Abbie: “Who was more sarcastic? Jefferson or Adams?”

The boy has never been vaccinated against anything, go figure. Others affected as a result of coming into contact with the contagion get black veins and die quickly complete with visions of the horseman (with the head).

Because he’s Pestilence, amirite?

Abbie and Ichabod hike through the woods and they find water deeper than it should be… so they walk on water… on a small island they find the colony. People are all sick with black veins, but they are well. It also has not changed at all in 400 years. On the island the illness is in stasis, but outside people become sick. They are protected by a spell. 

Ichabod become infected and on the brink of death, he sees Katrina. 

Morales (Abbie’s ex) is checking up on Ichabods credentials… which check out, somehow. What? Not that he should be checking, it’s none of your business, Morales!

Abbie prays to figure out what to do with Ichabod. And hides from Morales. Abbie decides that the spring water at the colony can save Crane and the boy… and, you know, the rest of the town. Abbie divulges the details to Irving and he gives her the go ahead to try it out.

Meanwhile Katrina is telling Ichabod that she is being held captive by Morlock. That she’s in purgatory. Tearful reunion and such. But Abbie wakes him (and Thomas) up and they are shaking and on the verge of collapse. Abbie says she won’t go without Ichabod and she gives him an adrenaline shot. Soon after they are on the run from Attila and they rush in just in time to submerge themselves in the spring and save the colony from the horseman and the afflicted from the illness. Then the colony disappears (Thomas was lured into their world by the “evil girl”) and everyone affected by the sickness returns to health… well, that doesn’t make that much sense… but sure.

The pacing in this episode was much better than it has been, the selective use of historical trivia is interesting, Abbie saved the day and Morales sets himself up to be the Doakes. I like it.

“I have officers retracing the trail as we speak” Is Ichabod an officer? umm….. no

in 3 weeks the horseman returns. Templar Knights, Walter Bishop, John Cho comes bach and Ichabod sacrificing himself?? Say what?! Can’t wait!

Movie Review #15- Lords of Salem

Written and directed by Rob Zombie, director of House of 1000 Corpses, Devil’s Rejects, Halloween and Halloween 2 and Haunted World of El Superbeasto. I will quickly give my opinion of those films: liked it, too rapey, good, not as good, I hate it. In his latest, he returns to his home city of Salem… and of course the only thing anyone knows about Salem: That someone once thought there was lots of witches there.

Plot synopsis stolen from IMDB- Heidi, a radio DJ, is sent a box containing a record — a “gift from the Lords.” The sounds within the grooves trigger flashbacks of her town’s violent past. Is Heidi going mad, or are the Lords back to take revenge on Salem, Massachusetts?

Man, radio people are the best. Should I give you the link to my show again? HERE

So, anyway. The movie begins with a coven of elderly naked women, giving birth and killing a baby and then being burned at the stake while Sid Haig (Devil’s Rejects, Hatchet 3) administers last rites.

Heidi Hawthorne (played by Sheri Moon Zombie, the Toolbox Murders) who is a recovering heroin addict receives this record that she plays and makes everyone in the bloodline of the witches freak out. At first, it doesn’t affect her, because she turns it down as soon as she starts playing it and talks to the other DJs. But then later it starts to mess with her mind. Here it gets very atmospheric rather than out right gruesome or shocking.

She in lists the help of a local occult historian Matthias, played by Bruce Davidson (who was in another film about witches in Salem; the 1996 version of the Crucible, and more recently X-Men, X2).

It’s weird.

Heidi keeps trying to do her job and learn French and generally keep her shit together while she loses her mind and starts smoking heroin again.

Zombie seems to want to scare me with naked elderly bodies (wrinkly boob …terrifying!! …oh, come on) and the devil that looks like a cooked turkey… and I just wasn’t feeling it.

This movie gets a 2.5

For an alternate opinion: check out Radio Of Horror’s very own Dr. Chris’s audio review on popcults.com.