31 Horrifying Days- Day 19: We Are What We Are (2013)

And what the Parkers are… are Cannibals.

At the beginning of the film, the matriarch is out to get groceries from a shop while torrential rain pours down. She stumbles, becoming confused. Then her nose starts bleeding horrifically and she falls dead.

Their father, Frank (Bill Sage, American Psycho), is a descendant in a long line of cannibals. Scenes of long dead relatives from the 1780s intermix with those of 14 year old Rose (Julia Gardner, Last Exorcism Part II, Sin City:A Dame to Kill For) and 17 year old Iris (Ambyr Childers, 2 Guns) after their mother dies. They keep people like cattle in barns, unhappy and hungry. After a flood, bones wash up in town and a few suspect that they may be human remains and start checking around, well intentioned neighbors get too close to the very secretive family and Frank starts descending into madness either from grief or Prion disease. Their father practically starves the girls and their young brother until they can have a proper dinner… where they dress like colonists and it’s creepy. 

The film is very creepy all together, drab tones, bad weather, nose bleeds, sickness, bludgeonings… eating people.

A man Iris has sex with gets killed on top of her. Their young brother Rory gets a fever and the neighbor tends to him, he clasps her hand, then sucks her thumb and bites her saying, “I’m hungry.”

After an autopsy is performed on their mother, Dr Barrows finds that it was not Parkinsons that they originally thought, but Prion. Barrows suspects that they are cannibals and that his daughter was their dinner and he confronts Frank. That sets in motion one hell of an ending.

Was it scary? It was gross and creepy. If I lived in a small town I’d be looking over my shoulder. Atmospheric and totally sick. 

It premiered at the Sundance Film Festival and got a limited release, it’s an art film about cannibals. The blood and gore could have been amped up a little more… but man that ending is perfect.


This was directed by Jim Mickle who also directed 2010’s Stake Land which is about a vampire epidemic, I was impressed with We Are What We Are and might have to seek out that one as well.

From Dusk Till Dawn- episode 1

This is one of those things that I heard about and was originally baffled about it. From Dusk Til Dawn is great source material. But expanding one film into nearly 13 hours? Seems excessive.

But the first episode lends depth to characters; emotional motivation for detectives on the trail of the Gecko brothers, Richie’s “mental illness as supernatural power” or “supernatural power that presents itself as mental illness”, Seth protectiveness over Richie.

The first episode takes place almost entirely at a liquor store (which I had thought was a gas station… whatever) where Richie takes hostages while Seth tries to make arrangements with a drug lord (“Carlos” played by Wilmer Valderrama). DJ Cotrona does an awesome George Clooney impression throughout the episode. Cotrona does a great job the swagger is dead on Clooney without being overdone. Zane Holtz interpretation of Tarantino’s character, Richie Gecko, seemed slightly more camp to me. The first 10 minutes is stretched into 45, but aside from digging deeper, there isn’t too many liberties taken. Richie takes hostages and has an itchy trigger finger, and quickly starts hallucinating serpentine vampire girls.

Don Johnson plays Earl McGraw a Texas Rangers after the Gecko brothers, along with partner Freddie Gonzales (Jesse Garcia). The length of time available allows us into their mindset (tenacious law enforcement officers) by exploring into their background like in scenes of Freddie asking McGraw to be his young daughter’s godfather. McGraw discussing how much of his daughter’s life that he missed while on the job. McGraw telling Freddie to get the Geckos if he has to follow them to the gates of Hell. It’s still stereotypical, but it’s good enough. 

The quicker you get over it and remember that this is Robert Rodriguez’s project which translates into “this is very good looking camp” the easier it will be to enjoy. 

Certainly worth a look, especially for fans of the source material.

There are some overused tropes the “mental illness/supernatural power” thing, the hyper-sexualized Latina, tenacious LEO with a personal vendetta. 

The (original) film was released in 1996. I’m not entirely sure when this takes place. There were also 2 knock off sequels and the making of documentary Full Tilt Boogie spawned from that flick, do we need 13 episodes of it? It remains to be seen.

Under The Dome: Episode #3

“Small town kiddo, It’s only gonna get smaller.” -Rose

The show starts with me yelling, “Joe! Find your sister! Junior has her in a hole. I know in your world it’s been 2 days and not 3 weeks, like it has for me, but really! But really.” But he doesn’t he just make googoo eyes at Nori.

Things are getting tense. People are losing faith in Chester’s Mill PD. Paul (the officer who’s losing it and shot the dome, killing someone with the ricochet) traps Linda in a cell. Then she tells off Big Jim, hooray! Oh, Big Jim is apparently a hard ass who made his son play football. I still don’t feel bad for you, Junior. Asshole! Junior tells Angie: “It’s the dome that’s making you act like this.” She says: “It’s you locking me down here for 2 days.” But then she reminds him of some secret underground tunnels. Maybe they can go together. Outside of the bunker. She’s clever. 

Barbie’s evading Julia’s questions. Big shock.

Nori’s mom tells off some rednecks. Rednecks won’t stop being ignorant asswipes. Barbie is not amused. Barbie joins Big Jim’s man hunt for Paul while Julia follows Junior underground. Nori’s over at Joe’s making up stories. Don’t lie about your moms! Joe’s no redneck jerk.

The dome goes all the way through the tunnels. Junior finds out Julia followed him. The manhunt gets messy. Joe’s sidekick invites over a bunch of hotties to charge their smartphones. Julia has a heart to heart  cuckoo-bananas. How can you tell him the truth and not Barbie! You are a bad judge of character! If you believe Barbie is a psychopath…. ARGH! No one feels bad for you Junior! 


Then Big Jim and Barbie have a heart to heart WTF Big Jim tells us how he got his nickname (blah blah, high school football hero… ZzzzZzz) and Barbie says, “Sounds like being on your team could be hazardous to my health.”

Linda gets her man. She’s already lost 3 fellow officers. 

Junior doesn’t drink his milk. OoooOoohh

Nori tells Joe, “Thanks for almost getting beat up for me that was kind of chivalrous.”

Then Nori and Joe have freaky “pink stars” seizures.

Angie patches up Junior’s hand (which he bruised on the dome “because he loves Angie so much”) Angie hides the scissors. I can’t wait till Angie stabs Junior with those scissors!!



No where near enough of the WYBS DJs! Damnn youuuu

Under The Dome- Episode 2

The episode begins with some mancandy  Barbie, having a dream about how he killed Julia’s husband. Joe is having other kids in his yard trying to dig under the dome (thanks, Joe!). Angie. Poor Angie is still trapped in this bunker that Junior is holding her captive and telling her all sorts of crazy. Duke’s dead.

Oh, Big Jim says the dome is here to “save Chester’s Mill” say frigging what? Why is it here?

Joe’s getting mathematical. Employing some trigonometry to learn more about the dome. That’s cool, but look for your sister!

the WBYS crew of 2 is covertly finding out more of what they’re saying outside. Julia informs the public that they are, in fact, under a dome, not behind a wall.


WBYS your only source for news under the dome. (Hey, you.)

So the town finds out that they’re under a dome, meaning finite resources. Important resources, as in AIR. The radio station hears from outside that military doesn’t even know what the dome is or why it’s there. Barbie’s stockpiling cigarettes for future trading purposes (you plan ahead, I like that). And then Junior’s following him around. Because he thinks Barbie screwed Angie. Barbie doesn’t know Angie. Barbie beats the living shit out of Junior (hooray!).

With Duke dead, Big Jim and the minister are looking to bury some evidence that they knew the dome was coming. (How does a dome just show up? And the military doesn’t know about it? It was in the air. Someone must know!!) Fragging amateur hour, the minister burns down Duke’s house while snooping. Seriously… what? Not that I’m a master of B&E and destroying evidence… but just take the documents with you. Don’t light them on fire, don’t throw them in a plastic trash can, don’t push it up against the wall. No.

Linda shows up at the fire (and is making enemies with the other cops. She’s bossy, I like her, too). She saves the minister. Barbie organizes an assembly line of buckets to put out the fire. Joe has a crush on Norrie.

Junior is still a creep. Angie is still captive.

Barbie is still a bad ass. But I hope the next episode features more of the radio crew. And this dude,


And it’s time to up the body count.

And to everyone on twitter bitching about the wind: It’s not implausible. Cars and trucks make wind. If you are in your house and you wave a paper it creates wind. STFU