31 Horrifying Days: Day 15- Rapture-Palooza (2013)

The rapture has happened and Lindsey (Anna Kendrick, Into the Woods), her boyfriend Ben (John Francis Daley, “Freaks and Geeks”), and their families have been left behind, doomed to endure torture on Earth. A former politician named Earl Gundy (Craig Robinson, This is the End), now known as The Beast, is the Anti-Christ. But when The Beast decides he wants to take Lindsey as his wife, Lindsey and Ben must come up with a plan to defeat the Anti-Christ. 

…Lindsey and Ben are supposed to be teens… but they’re a full decade into adulthood, both actors have played iconic teens AND adults. While it’s played cute and Kendrick’s nasally voice and good skin makes it almost believable and Dalet channels his Sam Weir persona.. it’s still weird.

They think about starting their own sandwich cart because “people appreciate a good sandwich, even when the world is ending.”

The remaining earthlings make due without a lot of resources, with locusts biting their ankles, blood rain and fiery meteor storms. When one of those fiery meteors lands on their sandwich cart, Ben’s dad gets them a job working for the Beast. He lays eyes on Lindsey and lays the mack on her. Ben is not amused but his Dad tries to get him to be cautious. “I’m not going to let the Anti-Christ steal my girlfriend, dad.” he says, “I Don’t care, I’m punching that guy in the face.” But Ben’s dad ices him with a shovel, and upon finding out that Lindsey is a virgin, the Beast is more enamored. He decides to marry her, if she declines: he’ll kill her family and Ben.

So Ben and Lindsey decide to lock him in a kennel for 1000 years.

Good plan.

Except they have no choice but to involve their zombie neighbor, wraith security guards and Lindsey’s pothead brother as well in their convoluted plan involving sleeping pills and a ride on mower.

They get caught up in a murder plot… and accidently kill Jesus. 

Craig Robinson is hilarious. Everyone clobbers each other with shovels (before it was cool).

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If you’re in the mood for some funny with horror/supernatural elements check this one out.

4/5

 

Book Review #8- Zeek’s Loving Thorn by Dicey Grenor

Synopsis: 

Zeek hadn’t been a vampire for long before the world she knew had come to an end. Did she give a fuck? Not really. The world had never been kind to her. In fact, the last few years of her life had been downright miserable, most of it spent in a hospital bed. So, would she have chosen not to give her soul over to darkness had she known it would preclude her from being one of the Chosen to leave the earth behind? Nope. For one, she wasn’t so sure the Chosen had gone to a better place, because she didn’t believe in Heaven. Heaven was a state of mind. Two, she felt pretty damn good in her new body, with her new powers, and she thought earth was a mighty fine place to be, especially if you weren’t human. Thank Mother Earth, she wasn’t human.

This novella begins where the 3rd Narcoleptic Vampire book left off. With the Rapture. “Some would say they now lived in a better era. Prisons opened. Credit card balances zeroed out. Mortgage and student loan debts discharged. The stock market dissolved. Everyone had a clean slate like a newborn baby.”

We start with 2 of the new vampires that Willow turned, Zeek and former VET agent Monroe. They’re on a mission to find any children who may have been left on earth. And they come upon a man, a man who is being hunted by a group of humans who want  to give him “the mark of the beast.” Zeek saves him from immediate danger and the man thinks “So far, his physical reaction to her was shamefully akin to pissing on her kindness. He should be thanking her, not objectifying her.” Thorn, the human, is fulfilling a biblical prophecy (he’s the Beast). Willow, a Christian Vampire trying to get right after the Rapture is not pleased with Zeek’s new friend Thorn.

Thorn turns out to be a man of God. A man of God with a sex addiction. And he’s Willow’s brother. Far beyond sibling rivalry ensues. Willow has a tumultuous past with her ultra-religious family who thought her narcolepsy was a sign of demonic possession.

The book is told from from 3rd person perspective, but centers alternatingly aroung Zeek and Thorn. Grenor does an excellent job of differentiating the tone slightly between each. Conveying Thorn’s arrogance and confusion, and Zeek’s nervousness.

Zeek is an intersexed vampire, living at a fetish club who’s concerned about being fetishized and concerned about being accepted. So many people write characters based only on themselves or people they know (with any degree of believability), to that end, you can tell Dicey Grenor is a people person. Her characters are always multidimentional, conflicted, interesting and believable.

Thorn, being a holier-than-thou hypocrite does not deal well with Zeek’s disclosure. And since intolerance does not fly around Hades Underground Fetish Club; he gets his ass kicked, hard.

Thorn tells Zeek he loves her after she brings him a bacon cheese burger, but will he truly love her?

In the background of all of this, the Hades crew is scouring the area trying to find any children who may have been left behind after the Rapture.

Good read, good characters. It was nice to see how Willow’s adjusting to being a Maistress Vampire, too. 4 stars!