Comicbook Catch-up Extravaganza! Numero Dos!

Featuring Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #5, Lazarus #6, Ms. Marvel #1

Army of Darkness vs Hack/Slash #5

I’ve really enjoyed this series. Despite the chronic late release of the issues it really maintained momentum for me because I loved LOVED seeing Ash and Cassie play off of eachother. The 2 badasses breaking heads with their unconventional weapons, enemies and friends from each series. Fun. Good. This one flew in the frigging face of all of that. The end of last issue featured their hook-up. Cassie’s in a committed relationship with Margaret- so one of two things spring to mind for me: 1) she’s trying to confuse Ash or 2) the writer is a shallow idiot who thinks bisexuals are all sluts. Either way she’s deceitful. 

The duo get to Ancient Greece, turns out Britt the cult leader went back in time and met with Akakios who was an alchemist and “created the principals that the cult followed” and icing on the cherry hate cake? He killed Cassie’s old partner Vlad. They throw a wild party in Ancient Greece to attract Akakios and his cult and deadites and they burn ’em to a crisp. Cassie goes berserker and beelines for Akakios himself, “Changing the past is bad” Ash says, Cassie KO’s him and he knows he’s been played. But not only did she play Ash…she played Margaret. To “Bring back the only thing she ever loved. Vlad.” 

WHAT THEE FUCK?

Thankfully, issue 6 is the last. Because fuck all that shit. Ash and Cassie are now enemies at odds for possession of the Necronomicon.

Ms. Marvel #1

Kamala Khan, teenage supe, writer of Avengers fanfic, shapeshifter and Muslim. Her family is varying degrees of assimilating and she just wants to be a “regular teen” like her classmates and go to parties. So she sneaks out to a party with boys and booze on the waterfront. Her BFF Bruno tries to get her out of there, and she’s all “MYOB” and storms off.. then a crazy for starts to permeate the area. Kamala Khan gets KO’d and has a drugged out dream about the Avengers, and her homegirl, Captain Marvel. And she wishes, “I want to be beautiful and awesome and butt kicking and less complicated. I want to be you.” And Carol Danvers says, “All right, kid. As fate would have it, you’re about to get the kind of total reboot most people only dream about.”

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Epic debut. Kudos to G. Willow Wilson for calling out concern trolls and stereotypes. So pumped to find out what’s up with the fog, or what’s up with Captain Marvel being her fairy godmother. I repurposed that photo from Jeremy Roberts’s deviantart. http://jprart.deviantart.com/art/All-New-Ms-Marvel-412376037

Lazarus #6

Flashback again, to mini-Forever doing pushups on her thumbs and conjugating Latin verbs, she’s taking her training with Marisol too far.

In the present she wakes up to an alarm, takes her regimen and then she receives the text again. “He is not your father, this is not your family.” Joanna is still sporting a black eye and playing innocent. Flash to Montana, we see the family whose home was destroyed. The cost to rebuild will have them taxed out for the foreseeable future. Back in LA, a woman propositions the guards in exchange for food and others break in and set up a device to hack the keypad. They steal canisters of acetylene. Forever catches them in the act, but she directs her wrath at the guards taking advantage of a hungry woman. Forever asks her where the others have taken the canisters. And the Barrets leave Montana for Denver in hopes that their children can work for the Carlyles. Will this play an integral role? Will they start an uprising? Will Forever discover what’s really happening outside of her family? So many questions. 

Rucka has built this insane world. It’s bleak, it’s dark… and sadly, it’s very very real. Carlyles have infinite wealth and resources and meanwhile we see families giving up all they’ve got, their time, their dignity, their land, their children, they sell themselves out. It’s very blood and guts, but no major revelations this issue.

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #3

It took super long for this to come out and then I waited a week and a half to pick it up. Was it worth the wait?

Yessir.

Issue three gets a new voice, that of Cassie Hack, serial killer killer. The final girl. 

The cult priestess is selling off the Necronomicon before Cassie and Ash come around.She sells it to a Mr. Raash, and offers him a deal -a huge discount in return for vanquishing “a skinny goth chick and a chinny pervert.” He accepts the deal and sets off with 3 deadly soldiers (and of course reads a page from the book of the dead to supe them up a bit.”

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Meanwhile, our heroes are socking it to mini-clones and what not. And we’re reminded why Cassie is along for the ride when she receives a call from her partner, Margaret, and baby Sandra. They go stay in a hotel and go to their separate rooms and not too long after they are attacked by the most “alive” seeming deadites yet. A woman who looks like a panther, a well armed man with a snake tongue AND the world’s only Arctic Ninja. 

Instead of getting their heads blown off, Cassie reads some pages from the book of the dead. -Now how that works without absolutely heinous repercussions? I don’t know.

It’s a fun issue and I like having Cassie as the narrator this time. Seeing her opinion of Ash their friendship was awesome (and there were some mini-clones pandering to those who think they should be more than friends), and Margret making an appearance to remind us that Cassie is doing this for her fam. Definitely the best one yet.

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Check out Variant Cover B (my personal fave) by Ben Templesmith, artist of 30 Days of Night. 

I’m really hoping the next issue of this doesn’t take as long to come out.

ThrowBack Attack! Movie Review for Re-Animator!

Re-Animator is a 1985 American science fiction horror film based on the H. P. Lovecraft story “Herbert West–Reanimator.” Directed by Stuart Gordon. Stuart Gordon was on Radio of Horror on Sunday night promoting the NecronomiCON (HP Lovecraft-palooza) and talking all things Lovecraft AND about writing Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

There’s SPOILERS all over this review, but really, words cannot make this movie less shocking. It’s just plain insane.

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Re-Animator follows mad-med-student Herbert West who re-animates (at “too large a dose”) his professor Dr. Gruber in Sweden to continuing his studies at Miskatonic University where he meets fellow student Dan Cain and Dan’s fiancee Megan. After probably killing the couple’s cat, West reanimates it using a glowing serum. The cat goes batshit and tries to tear West to pieces, Cain butchers the poor creature and then West re-reanimates him. Megan witnesses this and is understandably displeased.

It gets worse for Megan. West and Cain re-animate a corpse which goes on a rampage and kills Megan’s father. They impulsively re-animate her father. Her father becomes a bloodied, insane rampaging corpse. West is largely unfazed, Cain goes into shock like a semi-reasonable person and Megan slaps her fiancee like a reasonable person.

Faculty member Dr. Hill (who West accused of stealing ideas from his beloved professor Gruber) blackmails West into giving him the reagent recipe. West being completely batshit, decapitates him. And then reanimate’s Hill’s head.  And body. Separately.

Megan goes to see her father, who Hill lobotomized. West wakes up to both parts of Hill escaped, everything gone and screams “My work!!”

West explains to Cain: “I had to kill him.”

Cain: “He’s dead?”

West: “Not anymore.”

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Hill has been obsessively saving Megan’s discarded napkins and hair. And lobotomized her father so that if re-animating corpses ever didn’t turn them into killing machines, he could never explain what had happened and Hill would get all the credit.

The decapitated Hill and enough sense to rob the place instead of attacking everyone? Say huh?

The sheer amount of blood oozing from everyone’s mouths is fantastic. Hill mind controls Megan’s dad and sets him to kidnap Megan about the time that she tells Cain he should go away from her. Hill, the creepy, he has Megan stripped down and she wakes up to being fondled by a headless corpse, and as the headless corpse is about to put the head to work… West busts in.

“Who is going to believe a talking head? Get a job in a circus sideshow.”

But lobotomized corpses threaten our trio.

Dan Cain: “Help they’ll kill her!”

Dr. Hill: “Then I’ll give her life!!”

Megan’s dad revolts and fights against Hill in some of the bloodiest insanity ever. Crushed heads being thrown, internal organs strangling people, blood every damn where.

I won’t spoil the whole thing: let’s just say no one really learns a lesson here.

Awesome theme song

From my boyfriend:

“That whole hospital room was filled with tools to fix cars and AV gear. They don’t keep rolling toolboxes of craftman tools in hospitals, babe.”

“This movie only had one boom op.”

I give it: 4 reanimated corpses!

Happy Birthday, HP Lovecraft!

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PS- Looking back on it, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids was a creepy sci-fi movie. While family friendly, it all began with a mad scientist and an experiment gone berserk. And giant insects were there. What else do you need?

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #1

The debut starts out with Cassie Hack, the serial killer killer, having date-night with her girlfriend, Margaret. They left their baby Sandra home with a babysitter. Spilled wine reminds Cassie of the death of her friend, Vlad, and she asks to go home. But when they arrive at home Cassie spots an unknown vehicle up the street and suspects an intruder. She’s right, of course:

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A hilarious fight scene ensues, until they realize who the other is.

Turn’s out the fan’s of each other’s work (but who wouldn’t be?)

Ash is seeking the Book of the Dead (go figure), and has tracked it to Cassie Hack’s house (what are the odds). Then they realize that in all the excitement they haven’t seen the babysitter! Things never go well for babysitters. Kristin has been sacrificed and they find her eating her own hands.

With a battle cry of “Give me your skin!” A gory mess of a fight scene, ensues and then we get set up for another round of adventure with the two agreeing to come together as “a pair a’ rogue elephants united on a quest.”

A mash-up made in horror heaven! Badassery on all-sides.

T & A, one liners, interesting weapons of choice, reading in Bruce Campbell’s voice? Co-ed heroes saving each other’s skin in disgusting and unexpected ways?

Awesome! Too much fun!