Comic book Catch-up #5 -DC Edition!

Forever Evil #7 (thank gods that is over!) & Future’s End #3 + #4!

Forever Evil #7

Batman is still strangling Luthor and Catwoman is trying to stop him. She says “this lightning rod is from the future, maybe we can use it to, I don’t know, save him or something!” 

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DO CPR!!!! What the Hell?! 

Wait. It get’s worse. Luthor zaps Batman with electricity (Catwoman still does nothing) and then he reveals that he flatlined Dick after, get this, giving him a pill that would paralyze the muscles around his heart… he needs a shot of adrenaline NOW. He gets the shot and wakes up. A sweet moment is had between Nightwing and Batman (and Luthor and Bizarro) and then Cyborg busts in, he took out Grid. blah blah. Ultraman and Deathstorm debate about what to do now that Mazahs is free. The theorize that they can use Superwoman’s lasso of submission. But she’s not here.

“Is she with Owlman?” Ultraman questions.

Nope. She’s with Mazash. And pregnant with HIS child. And Ultraman gasps, “Lois? You traitorous witch, why?” and she says, “Because Alex is stronger than you, Clark.” Cause all women are either hoes or incompetent in this piece. 

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A million middle fingers for Geoff Johns. 

Ultraman and Mazahs duke it out and Deathstorm confronts Superwoman, “You manipulated us all.” and she calls them “Stupid men.” (Hay awesome, her secret weapon is manipulating men, hahaha… ugh) but she gets him wrapped up in her lasso and Mazahs prepares to feed on his nuclear power. 

Mazahs kills Bizarro. Luthor kills Mazahs. Owlman joins the Batfamily. Sinestro and Black Adam move the moon so that the sun weakens Ultraman (what? how was the moon there that whole time? This is stupid) And all of the exiled heroes from this world climb out of Firestorm (again.. what?) but Superman is dying. Luthor pulls the sliver of kryptonite out of his head. Well, that’s unlikely. He also meets Ted Kord and doesn’t buy Kord industries and encourages Ted. He knows Bruce Wayne is Batman and it ends with an apocalypse baby, Darkseid returning and the Antimonitor vowing to consume him. So it ended. With the heroes coming back which was a huge “duh” because there is no way that all DC’s heavy hitters would get roasted. And then a not real ending. Suck.

Futures End #3

This one is actually getting good, we get backstory on Grifter and Firestorm (who are fighting against each other) the stories flow cohesively between Firestorm giving some ladies a sunny day, to the same babes at a bar where they get harassed by someone who just won a celebrity death pool with the death of Green Arrow. They get bounced by… Red Robin. Lois’s mysterious package lead her there and she immediately knows who she’s looking at. Meanwhile, Mr Terrific knows that Batman (but not which Batman) is looking into him. Light on Batman, good amount of backstory on DC’s B-List. Still not a lot of women, but at least the ones there aren’t bimbos. Thumbs up.

Futures End #4

Frankenstein confronts SHADE about why they are trying to kill him. They just wanted his attention, turns out. Who the fuck is SHADE? run by Father Time (now inhabiting a young girl) SHADE fights against monsters.. with even worse monsters. Bad asses. Fathertime calls attention to the destroyed Stormwatch space ship. The theorize again that THE storm is coming. Red Robin/Cal Corcoran is out for a jog with the babely Madison Payne. He won’t talk about his past, she’s suspicious they’ve done this dance before. Cal lays eyes on the new Batman and it’s clear that he has a grudge against Batman’s Batfamily. Lois is trailing them in a get up that no one has worn since 1990 and no one would wear in the future. Plastique and Key lure Coil out of retirement with a “grail mission” the “last job.” That Grail? It’s in Terrifitech. Grifter is hunting Daemonites and other aliens that prey on addicts when Faraday catches up with him. Faraday paralyzes Grifter, and says he’ll reverse it if Grifter comes and works for him. 

Forever Evil #6

If you’ve been reading my reviews here, you know that I have not quite been enjoying this series. And that I think Geoff Johns is a racist/sexist ass. issue 6 has my man Nightwing on the cover and maybe we’ll get to the point for some of this instead of in-fighting between egotistical villains and inexplicably helpless females.

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I love Nightwing.

Luthor and Batman both argue and bond over their paranoia against the justice league as they infiltrate their fortress. catwoman’s wishy washy behvior prompts Batman to ask whose side she’s really on. Once inside, Batman, catwoman and Luthor stumble on nightwing who has been held in “the Murder Machine” a cell designed to hold Doomsday it’s a bomb with impenetrable walls. Meanwhile, Sinestro, Manta, Black Adam and Captain Cold throwdown against the Justice League’s evil alteregos. Highlights here are Owlman’s waivering allegiance and Black Adam’s mumbling through his broken jaw. 

Epically, the bomb only disarms if nightwing’s heart stops. He dies or they all die. we all know that Batman can’t make that call so Lex Luthor takes matters into his own hands… specifically, he Grayson’s airways into his hands after disarming Batman with his lasers and Bizzaro grabs Catwoman’s whip and apparently that’s as hard as she was willing to fight (FUCK YOU).

Nightwing’s heart stops, Batman beats the crap out of Luthor because apparently no one remembers what CPR is. That was really predictable. So stupid. 

Geoff Johns is such an asshole. everyone here is white as rice (except the aliens -doesn’t count!) and the women are dingbats. Since when is Catwoman not decisive? Superwoman didn’t even talk, sadly that might be for the best. Atomica is usually pretty wicked, but this time she was useless and helplessly watched as Johnny Quick got maimed. Captain Cold was the biggest badass. I’ll give them that though, that part was good. It was also, like, A page. 

Mazahs is now escaped. That’s alternate Shazam, it’s also Shazam spelled backwards, I’m also rubbing my head wondering how I started reading this. So the “good” and “not as evil” guys are in for more trouble.

Also, I knew Nightwing wasn’t going to die. 

Forever Evil #4

Trying to get back to regularly scheduled blogging, but it’s been a slow couple of weeks in comics… what with Christmas and New Years. But just shy of 2014: Forever Evil #4 hit shelves.

I’m slightly less than lukewarm for this series. I know many people who like it, I keep holding out and thinking that I will come around…

As I see a tattered Batman and Catwoman on the first pages: I’m interested.

Batman takes Mz Selina Kyle to the Batcave. She looks over his wares. Displays of his old costumes, a steampowered Batcycle, a giant dinosaur. Batman is all business. Catwoman says that they “are practically the last man and woman on earth and all you can talk about is the plan.” Wowzers. I assumed they would be “talking” when they weren’t front and center, since they are humanity’s last hope. Actually… the cover says Lex and Batman are humanity’s last hope… so… I get Catwoman just wants to talk. Errrr…. Anyway, Batman keeps her at arms length because way back in October, Nightwing was unmasked and now it is common knowledge that Nightwing is Richard Grayson. Batman feels responsible for this, since Batman trained him to be Robin and then drove him away where he became Nightwing… but ZZZzzz… because we all already knew that.

More interestingly, Batman has been hoarding artifacts as a contingency plan against the Justice League. A Kryptonite ring (which won’t work against Ultraman. But they don’t seem to know that), a ring recovered from Sinestro corps, a lightning rod from the future -you know, typical stuff.

Meanwhile Lex Luthor is resurrecting Black Adam as Black Manta, Bizarro and Cold look on. Luthor explains that Ultraman’s biology is opposite of Superman’s -specifically that Ultraman has been consuming kryptonite and hiding from sunlight while Superman’s weakness is kryptonite and his power is enhanced by the sun.

Speaking of Ultraman… he’s huffing kryptonite out of Metallo’s suit while Superwoman taunts him. Ultraman finds out that Superwoman is pregnant (with Owlman’s baby which he doesn’t know) Superwoman says that Owlman is plotting against them and that they need to prepare. Elsewhere, Power Ring is having a meltdown, Deathstorm is summoned back to unlock Firestorm’s ability to change matter into kryptonite leaving Power Ring to go after Captain Cold alone.

Luthor has a heart to heart with Bizarro (whose name originated as B-Zero? cool!) and then they bust in to Wayne enterprises where they find Catwoman and Batman. And then Power Ring, Deathstroke and that lot bust in and find everyone. Batman tries to wield the Yellow Ring to defeat this bad dudes, but it is easily taken from him. Power Ring is victorious! But then Sinestro shows up! Next issue is Sinestro vs. Power Ring…

There is so much going on here. And for some reason minor quarrels dominate the majority of action and dialogue. The women in this series are FEW so FEW and the portrayals are shallow and heinous. Superwoman was in fear of Ultraman and he was clearly abusive towards her, but Geoff Johns was sure to include that she was really sneaking around with Owlman (AKA “she deserves it”) and now another layer of conniving is being added. And the taunts? Calling him weak when in the first 2 issues she was terrified of him and fearful that he would find out she was with child… and now in this issue she taunts him and threatens him (while “needing his support against Owlman”). Uh, huh. This is not how a woman who has been victimized would behave. That Geoff Johns feels the need to make women either helpless or devious is insanely creepy. Catwoman being treated as if she’s new, can’t handle herself and wants to stop and talk about their feelings? Batman has always been chivalrous and reserved so I can forgive some of it, but Catwoman not understanding the urgency… and hiding from Black Manta and Luthor. I’m unamused.

David Finch’s art didn’t help in that regard:

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Why can you see her whole buttcrack!?

Why am I reading this series?!

Are you reading it? Pipe up with it’s redeeming qualities, or let me know if there is something I am missing.

Alternate Opinions:

ComicSpectrum: who has issues with the art for other reasons but likes the story and also referenced the Lex/Bizarro interaction as one of the highlights in this issue.

Sciencefiction.com: Just loved it.

 

Forever Evil #2

How do I say this….

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I am not feeling this series. I’m trying to give evil a chance…

So the Justice League are dead (riiiight), Nightwing is unmasked (OooOOhh) and the Crime Syndicate are taking over every major city. And don’t forget: Ultraman blocked out the sun.

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Power Ring is probably dying or something, Reverse Flash is booooored (I feel you) and decides to head out hunting for good guys with his girlfriend Atomica. Owlman and Ultraman are bickering… Superwoman takes Owlman’s side and Ultraman threatens her for disrespecting him. And she takes that shit. Wonder Woman’s alternate universe evil version who has a barbed wire lasso and is allowed to wear goddamn pants …is in an abusive relationship… Holy shit that’s totally awesome!! Oh wait, I mean, FUCK YOU.

Turns out she’s pregnant… with Owlman’s child… Oh the drama.

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Anyway, the Teen Titans (well, mostly Robin) decide it’s time to step up against the Crime Syndicate. So Robin, Superboy, Wondergirl, Kid Flash (really, that’s a character… okay) and Raven head out to the tower to save Nightwing or kill the Crime Syndicate before they unmask everyone… Although, what difference that really makes to anyone with the sun blocked out… I don’t even know.

It goes about how it looks on the cover.

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Okay, that part was actually sort of cool.

But Superwoman and Owlman are waiting for help from Superman? Frankly, I’m baffled and annoyed. On the plus, Luthor does unearth half cooked Superman clone Bizarro and straps on his super-suit. And two Gotham faves come back from the brink…

*sigh* not digging it. Maybe the dead animals starting off both issues so far have me ticked off (or, you know, the misogyny. it’s definitely one or both of those.) And Cheetah wasn’t even there. Argh.

Alternate opinions:

The Good Kind of Geek

The pop cultist

 

Forever Evil #1

The first week of the DC Villains take over was super interesting… I missed the collectors cover for Reverse Flash the second week and there were none I wanted this week. So I figured I’d get back to the “What is going on here anyway?’ with Forever Evil #1

Lex Luthor starts off in one of his helicopters, Lex-Soar 6, (reminiscing about how he drowned a cat… gross) having a business meeting with Thomas of kord Industries. Then he threatens to throw the guy out of a helicopter. Then he threatens the man’s entire family. The plan is to kill him, dissolve the company, dissolve employee pensions, ruin his professional reputation, get his son addicted to drugs, introduce his wife to a lovely man and then have him leave her on the day the son overdoses and dies. Then she’ll kill herself. (Well this is convoluted as all hell.)

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The helicopter starts crashing, Metropolis has gone dark. Gotham is the next to go.

Nightwing is transporting Zsasz to Arkham, chatting with Batgirl on the radio, when someone flies past and rips Arkhams doors open bare handed. He tells Batgirl to alert Batman, even though he (and Batgirl) and Batman aren’t speaking (because of something I missed involving the Joker). Nightwing gets captured!

Luthor is letting Thomas fall to his death when he sees… Superman?

With the Rogues at Iron Heights penitentiary: Cold (dumb name) is trying to …freeze an electrified fence. (That will do what exactly?) Heatwave tries to melt it, Weather Wizard stands around. They are breaking in to get the Trickster out. They see who they think is the Flash… but it’s Reverse Flash.

Manta is being recruited into a task force. Tempted (but not fooled) by potential reduced prison sentence, Manta says the only thing he wants is the death of Aquaman.

Luthor is still following around “Superman” where he starts snorting kryptonite. And then we see… dun dun DUN DUN DUN it’s Ultraman (made stronger by Kryptonite).

Every villain busted out of prison received a communication device. The only ones working. A secret society is being assembled.

Poison Ivy says they should go their own way… because she’s scared of Batman… (what the heck? What did they do to my girl?) Everyone sees the destroyed Justice League headquarters and speculates… and takes credit for it… and then steals the heros’ artifacts.

Then the Crime Syndicate shows up to demand order. They declare: This World is Ours!

If the other villains fall in line with them, the world can be theirs, too.

Superwoman unmasks Nightwing and they vow to hunt down everyone he knows and loves for standing against them (hey wasn’t Lex Luthor just doing that?)

Ultraman declares that this world spends too much time protecting the weak (ummm….) and then some scary fascist stuff about natural selection and the destitute winning.

ANNNNNDDDD…. About the time Ultraman blocks out the sun, Lex Luthor decides he’s in over his head. That’s how you know someone’s really evil, when they are “block out the sun evil.”

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