Penny Dreadful- Episode 5

“Closer Than Sisters”

The pace slowed down considerably with this episode. 

The entirety of the episode takes place in flashbacks to Vanessa’s childhood. The ENTIRETY. For a show with as large a main cast as Penny Dreadful has this is quite bizarre. No monsters. No vampires, no werewolves. No love triangles. No Dorian Gray.

Which means that I have to wait and see what happens with Dorian and Ethan. This show has sucked my in. As soon as I watch; I want more. This show is typically intense with multiple plotlines and motivations intermingling.

So this Vanessa-centric, nostalgic exposition was… different.

Vanessa and Mina were neighbors who grew up separated by only an open gate and a hedge maze. We see them first as children imagining who they will marry, frolicking on the coastline and brushing each other’s hair. Vanessa’s crush on Peter. Until one fateful night. The young Vanessa was out in the hedge maze and she caught her mother having sex with Mina’s father, Sir Malcolm. This breech of her innocence causes her to act out in other ways, stealing and other instances of “girlish mischief.” 

As they grow older Mina meets the kind of man that they dreamed of growing up while Vanessa’s budding relationship never blooms. He tells Vanessa he is going off to Africa. Vanessa knows he’s too weak, but she loves him for his weakness. Peter pushes her away. Just before Mina and her officer with the grand mustache are to be married, Vanessa encounters him in the halls and they flirt over taxidermy. Then they have sex. Mina finds the pair while her soon to be husband is pounding away at her BFF and she casts both of them out of her life. 

Vanessa confronts her mother about her infidelity with Sir Malcolm but when Vanessa gets to Mina’s yard she is faced with Sir Malcolm. He doesn’t let her pass and slams the gate. Vanessa collapses.

She treated first for what appears to be epilepsy and then she is taken in for psychiatric treatment for psychosexual fits. Treatments like ice baths and heavy narcotics… but nothing seems to work. The possession continues. Her mother finds her humping the air (Vanessa envisions Sir Malcolm) and faints. Peter comes to visit just before a trip to Africa and Vanessa predicts his death. 

Years later, Vanessa is visited by Mina on a beach. Mina says that she forgives Vanessa saying that her suffering has been penance enough. Mina tells Vanessa about her new husband, Jonathan Harker. But once she lets it slip that Vanessa saw her father being unfaithful, Mina reveals that the Master has told her a lot. And then Vanessa visits Sir malcolm and tells him what Mina has revealed to her.

So let’s talk about it: Women’s sexuality demonized. Literally.

The loss of Vanessa’s innocence leads to her morality spiraling down the drain. Which isn’t supernatural mumbo jumbo. The young Vanessa sees that the adults around her are hypocritical in their religious and pious appearance, that they are sinning and she youthfully acts out. But then as an adult she is jealous of her friend and so she seduces her fiance. This act leaves her open for demonic possession. 

Slut shaming at it’s finest that Vanessa’s betrayal leaves her the property of Satan.

Other than that? 

I’m glad I have incorrectly assumed that Sir Malcolm raped Mina. It appears as though at the seance it was a young Mina’s essence who inhabited Vanessa (or possibly still Peter) but that the “her” was Vanessa’s mother. I hope. Possession is very confusing. 

This episode was comparatively slower to all the other episodes thus far, but it was so bizarre and captivating that it didn’t hurt my enjoyment of it. Eva Green can easily carry a scene and I have to give her props for some of the insane things that she pulled off there. 

I am concerned.

What I am concerned about is this:

Now, I wouldn’t be bothered if Vanessa’s love for Mina is romantic more than platonic. But I will be bothered if Vanessa had sex with Mina’s fiance not because Vanessa was jealous of Mina for having what she envisioned but that she was jealous because she wanted Mina. I don’t need a “conniving lesbian homewrecker” plot. It’s preposterous.Hopefully I am just being paranoid. Tropes make me suspicious. Also, I hate to say it -because I don’t mind a “strong female character would do anything for true love” plot, which this would be if Vanessa had an interest in Mina that was romantic, but can girls just be down for their friends sometimes? I hope.

Penny Dreadful- episode 3

So pumped to figure out why that Creature climbed through Proteus last episode.

But we flashback to Vic’s childhood. His dog died, Victor found him with maggots crawling out of hollowed out eyes.his mother comforts him then suddenly falls ill, choking on blood and spattering it onto him. Hauntingly soft and white he agrees, “Death is not serene.” His mother dies soon after.

Then we appear in the moment that ended last weeks episode. Most this week’s episode centered around Victor Frankenstein and his first creation, Callaban. When the Creature came to life, Frankenstein was scared and left his monster all alone. The Creature was terrified and in agony. Slowly, he watched out the window at home humans interacted and concluded that he was less than, that he was an animal. We get a slowpaced story (recounted while Callaban threatens Victor and they’re both covered in blood, this show is so committed to atmosphere).

Brona and Ethan are having sex, and we get to see as much of his bare ass as we do hers (thanks Showtime!) It was sort of sweet and sexy. Maybe just for me. I’ve crushed on Hartnett for a while. There’s this moment when she almost pushes him away from kissing her (because she has consumption) but he kisses her anyway, choosing to be close with her instead. When she gets out of bed she’s coughing and he asks if she has any medicine, she replies, “Who has money for that when there’s eating to be done, lad.” and smiles it off. But he doesn’t. And he goes to see Sir Malcolm and Vanessa and join in for the monster hunting again.

They at first believe that he intends to take this job so he can travel back home, but Vanessa finds out that this is about a woman. It doesn’t really matter, of course, because they are desperate. They think that they have found where “The Master” maybe and that Mina might be there as well. They’re rather desperate for the help. Which is great, since Ethan is more desperate for the money. 

Meanwhile we get to the heat of it that Callaban’s angry at Frankenstein for creating and then abandoning him, and vows to see that Victor ends up as alone as he has been… unless Victor makes him a wife doomed to the same misery he is.

 

Out with Sir Malcolm, Vanessa and Ethan they encounter some wolves, which I thought for sure would be werewolves, but they don’t appear to be or reveal themselves to be anyway. I’m not committed to them being regular wolves yet. -More on that later.

Ethan lets the aforementioned wolves sniff his hand and they retreat. Vanessa and Sir Malcolm share a look that clearly says *what the hell was that about* and moments after they find a young vampire chewing on some raw flesh. He tries to attack Vanessa, They wind up chaining him up, Sir Malcolm beats him while shouting ‘where is your Master?” and asking Victor over to concoct a treatment. Ethan remarks that the vampire is still a child and that torturing and experimenting on children isn’t something he wants to be party to.

Victor says “Oh, killing Redskins and wiping an entire race into oblivion is more your style.” Ethan doesn’t deny and says “How did you know I was in the Indian Wars?” and Victor gives him a *haha tricked you* I didn’t. Which would have made the Englishmen there seem morally superior IF they didn’t have an African servant who doesn’t speak or contribute to the story in any manner leaving the audience to conclude that when he isn’t waiting on Sir Malcolm he’s doing nothing of his own. 

Vanessa finds that Sir Malcolm used her as bait, he knew Mina had been moved but he wanted to draw out the Master and isn’t entirely pissed off enough. At some point, Vanessa had also counted to Ethan that Mina was supposed to marry Jonathan Harker but that she took up with “another man, if he is a man at all.” You know he’s not. You know he’s a vampire… why would you say that? But it has me wondering if Van Helsing will cross paths with them at some point.

So now here are my predictions: (and unfortunately- I don’t like some of them) Ethan has some weird mojo with wildlife and/or is a werewolf. I think it is more likely to be the former than the latter, I think that it will tie in to some Native American friends he made after some convoluted story that has him riding the redemption train for his misdeeds against the Native Americans. Also, that Brona is going to be near death from consumption soon and that Victor will resurrect her to be Callaban’s wife. I would put money on both of those. 

Penny Dreadful- Episode 2

Seance.

Ethan wakes up (under a pier in the dirt), heads to the nearest bar and gets right to the sauce, he’s well in his cups when Billie Piper- I mean Brona enters. She’s Irish and recently came to London after her position in a factory was eliminated by machines, while she finds London to have the same issues, she says: “There’s always a way to make a living when you’ve got a bit of flesh isn’t there?” Ethan: “I can’t say.” Brona: “I bet you can.” (recurring theme over here, but many occupations involve “selling your body” or “degrading yourself” and sex work is just work) “I’m off to look for work that a machine can’t do. Yet. Anyway.”

Victor Frankenstein, who has taught his creature to eat helps him choose a name. Proteus. Then he goes off to see Sir Malcolm and Vanessa and the mummy. Universal monsters everywhere.

Brona’s job search leads her to the decadent residence of Dorian Gray -a character created by Oscar Wilde who owns a painting that gets uglier everytime he sins who sold his soul for eternal youth. He asks Brona to undress and she coughs up blood. She expects to be sent out, but Gray approaches her. He undresses as well and they have sex standing up while someone photographs, “I never fucked I dying creature before. Do you feel things more deeply, do you feel pain?” Startled, she asks him, “Do you?” and she tears into her back with fingernails.

Brona suffering from consumption references early vampire mythos.

In Dr. Frank’s basement, Proteus cries for the whale in a book. Frankenstein hypothesizes that Proteus had been a whaler and sets to find out who he is. 

Gray attends a party that the Egyptologist Niles is hosting where Vanessa is a guest as well. He profiles Vanessa concluding that she thought it would be a wasted frivolous evening, and that she is not a frivolous person. He grabs her hand and acknowledges that she is the only ungloved woman and that she wants to touch while her head wants to appraise. For some reason this is romantic? They almost kiss. It seems out of character for the reserved and BUSY Vanessa (and Dorian is supposed to be gay). They are moved to another room and Madame Kali enters, Vanessa say skeptically “I believe we’re about to convene with a spirit” -really? that blase about it? You have telekinetic powers and hunt vampires. Madame Kali starts the ritual and Vanessa reaches for Gray’s hand. She channels a young child and at times seems mocking, telling of how he went on an adventure with father (Sir Malcolm is impacted by the rant, apparently this was his son) and got dysentery. Sir Malcolm starts crying. Then Vanessa lets her hair down. Cracks the table and says cunt a lot. Basically. Sir Malcolm’s son caught him having sex with Mina in the hallway and Vanessa says “When did you know you wanted to fuck her?” And then bends herself like the Last Exorcism 2.

Then she has sex with a man in the street. While Malcolm sits at the cracked table, shaken.

The next morning Brona and Ethan are inside the same bar again. She tells him that now she’s a model. “For the calendars and such?” he asks. She replies, “If you keep your calendar in a whorehouse.” He offers to buy her a proper breakfast, when she declines he asks for dinner. She questions his motives “You like things back alley?” and he replies, “I like things to be what they are.” Normally, I’d be annoyed at the stereotype that a sex worker (particularly one as frank as Brona) must see herself as less than, but since the day before she’d been referred to as “a creature” by someone who had the power to dictate whether or not she would have money for food -I’ll allow it. Ethan’s no peach either, he’s an alcoholic and a fugitive. He’s a fuck up with questionable employment.

Niles is mad his party was ruined. His wife was mortified. 

But none the less he translates the hieroglyphs for Sir Malcolm. He references the hidden goddess with a monster within her. And then decides “You must forget you ever saw it.” Perpetual life by feeding on the souls of others. Amunet and Amun-Ra conjoined means the annihilation of man and coming of the Beast. 

Victor takes Proteus outside. He gets overwhelmed at first, but as they journey the fear turns to amazement. They see Brona and Ethan on the street and Proteus is taken with Brona, he offers her a chestnut and they introduce rather awkwardly. Later Victor explains “friends” and Proteus decides he will have many friends WHEN SOMETHING CLIMBS OUT OF HIS BODY HOLY WHAT?! With a “Your first born has returned, father.”

Well that’s baffling.

My favorite parts of this episode had nothing to do with the supernatural happenings. Weird. I like Brona and I like her portrayal. I like her with Ethan. I like them as equals. 

There is a lot going on.

If Sir Malcolm molested his daughter Mina, if it wasn’t the ramblings of a demon… it would be insanely irresponsible to make him a sympathetic character. That’s fucking gross. No wonder she ran off with Dracula. I don’t care how much I love 007 and Timothy Dalton, axe him. Sir Malcolm Murray is not the good guy.

I want to like this show… and I do… but there’s so much happening and getting the ball rolling on all at once is… a little much. I think that’s why I liked Ethan and Brona’s less intense plotline. Her tie in with Dorian was wonderful, while Vanessa’s was a little much. And why a mummy? There are Catholic elements: demonic possession and a deal with the devil. There are vampires. Reanimated corpses. Jack the Ripper. If you think that there’s any reason to have a Egyptian mythos thrown in along with that other than “to hit a Universal Monsters trifecta” I would love to hear it. Why not a fucking swamp monster at that point?

Not that there’s not time for that.

31 Horrifying Day- Day 10: Nosferatu (1922)

Remember when vampires were scary?

If you were born after Lost Boys (1987) came out… probably not. Aside from a sprinkling here and there: Recently, vampires are tortured love interests (“Buffy the Vampire Slayer”, Twilight, “TrueBlood”), action heroes (Blade, Underworld) or humans with strange dietary preferences (again “TrueBlood”, NBC’s recently cancelled “Dracula”), or as victims of a mutation (“V Wars”) with a political agenda (again “TrueBlood”). I miss vampires being ugly as sin, the most recent noteworthy example of vampires done ghoulishly in 30 Days of Night. 

The reason I bring up 2007’s 30 Days of Night, is because it really added something to the vampire lore as a whole. Southern Vampires make no sense. They didn’t make sense when Anne Rice did it, they did’t make sense when Charlaine Harris did it, they don’t make sense when Laurell K Hamilton does it, they don’t make sense in Forsaken. #1, It’s hot. You have corpses in the sun. #2, the days are too short. 30 Days of Night has vampires taking over an Alaskan town where they will rain terror down on anyone who didn’t get out of there for a damn month without needing to go hide in their coffins. Steve Niles wrote the original comic book miniseries that they movie was based off of and the illustration by Ben Templesmith, the movie stayed true in style to the original source.

Nosferatu is an adaptation of the novel Dracula. A wealthy castle owner is looking to move from Transylvania and needs a man to help with his affairs. The man slowly realizes that something is amiss but not before his wife becomes captivated by the creature of darkness and a chaotic whirlwind of death starts spreading. I know what you’re thinking, “If I’ve seen this done before -AND seen it with special effects, gore, good looking actors and WORDS- why should I see Nosferatu?” 

Vampire legends were created to explain mysterious plagues that cropped up in Europe and the US (actually, the states tended to blame witches, but that’s a whole ‘nother article). Nosferatu/Graf Orlok slowly affects his victims, causing delirium and malaise before fully consuming his victims. There are many references to plagues in this film, and Orlok travelled to Germany with coffins full of grave dirt, he drew strength from the cursed soil that he had been buried in. That makes far more sense than “modern” style vampires who choose to sleep in coffins. But adding to the plague references, Orlock’s coffins, when opened by the sailors who are transporting them to Germany, also unleash a swarm of rats. It really ramps up the creep factor, add that in that rats are known plague carriers who are inhabiting cursed soil? It’s clever. Of course most vampire films don’t reference the plague folklore any longer and instead the take on more current phenomena and explain violent unsolved murders; NBC’s “Dracula” and the brand new “Penny Dreadful” both reference Jack the Ripper, or STDs; Forsaken. 

But I like the grave dirt as a source of strength. I like the swarms of bugs and rats. I like that Orlok’s very shadow is menacing. 

I love this movie. The acting is very theatrical. Movements are exaggerated because they had to be in the silent era. Max Shreck as Orlok is creepy, motions exaggeratedly stiff (like a corpse in rigor mortis), pointed ears and claws, wild facial expressions, because subtlety wouldn’t have shown through on film with the available resources of the era. Director FW Murnau made menace out of lights, shadows and small animals that most directors can’t replicate with CGI, expensive materials and modern camera techniques. Orlok appearing from out of shadows, while those around him fall ill and lose their wits is fascinating.

 

And I love it. #ResurrectUglyVampires

Was it scary? Let’s face it. It’s based on Dracula, which wasn’t scary. But it was written to be captivating, which this film is. But it’s based on Dracula and we have all been down this road before. So, no, it’s not *scary*.

But I give it 5/5

Penny Dreadful- Episode 1

The cast list reads like a who’s who in the action and/or horror and/or fantasy TV and cinema realm. Former Bond Timothy Dalton, former Bond girl (much later) Eva Green (also coming soon in Sin City: A Dame to Kill For) my longtime crush Josh Hartnett (Sin City, Black Dahlia, 30 days of Night), Billie Piper (“Doctor Who”), Rory Kinnear (plays the Creature, also Bond alumni circa Blonde Bond).

The set design, costumes and cinematography is lush… and set in victorian London. I’m concerned already since a production in the same genre set in the same atmosphere with less (but substantial) star power just got cancelled. I’m talking about NBC’s “Dracula”, new of it’s cancellation was announced yesterday. 

This show is expensive. But I’m not sure they are paying for new ideas… 

Josh Hartnett plays an alcoholic gunslinger who despite the trembling in his hand is seen fit by Vanessa Ives (Eva Green) to take on monsters that are terrorizing London. Even though he’s crashed and burned and is putting on a travelling side show. Vanessa and Sir Malcolm (Timothy Dalton) bring Hartnett’s Ethan Chandler to the vampires’ nest. After some struggle, the vamps are defeated (we get a glimpse of Vanessa’s telekinetic powers, Ethan’s skill and Sir Malcolm’s bravado) and they bring a carcass to a scientific type (Frankenstein) played by Harry Treadaway (Cockneys versus Zombies, Lone Ranger)

The next day, Ethan is to meet Sir Malcolm at his home. A Black servant answers the door. WTF TV execs?Think we can suspend disbelief for vampires, but believe that we cannot stretch our imaginations that black people could be anything more than servants on these shows?.  

“Who the fuck are you people?”

Sir Malcolm’s daughter has been taken by a “creature” and Vanessa’s reasons for pursuing the monsters are “her own.” Secretive. Grizzly crime scenes are popping up all around, people are whispering about Jack the Ripper (likening this series again to “Dracula” AND to “Ripper Street”) Ethan wants to bail. He’s in over his head. Performing isn’t so bad. It’s better than messing with creatures of the night. But he is intrigued. And he interlopes on the investigation of a disgusting murder of a family.

Mina pays a visit to Sir Malcolm. Mina Harker, that’s right. Although these vampires bear a stronger resemblance to Nosferatu than any version of Dracula. sir Malcolm says that he will find her, Vanessa goes to pray, but candles levitate and bad omens present themselves in interesting and stunning ways.

It’s the small touches, Dr. Frankenstein asking Ethan about advancements in electric power in America, crosses turning upside down and exploding with arachnids and full frontal nudity that make this for me. Maybe Shotime can pull off what NBC could not, maybe a subscription channel can carry the weight of all these actors and scenarios.

At the end of the episode Victor Frankenstein accidentally reanimates “the Creature” and they have a touching and bizarre encounter. 

I am optimistic about this series. But the budget must be immense: it’s gorgeous. Mishmash of big name monsters also reminds me of “Hemlock Grove” (although this makes more sense already). Timothy Dalton is pulling his best (also former Bond) Sean Connery in League of Extraordinary Gentlemen and my gosh, is it good to see Josh Hartnett taking on vamps again.

But there’s not much to add, elements of plot are emergent but there’s not much to speculate over all about the dynamics of characters in upcoming episodes.

Nightcrawler #1

I don’t much care about Nightcrawler. Never did. But… Chris Claremont. 

Chris Claremont has written huge X-Men storylines. The source material that inspired both The Wolverine and the upcoming Days of Future Past. He’s a ridiculously big deal in the comic book world. He co-created pretty much all my faves (most of the major players in Brian Woods “all girl” X-Men) Kitty Pryde, Psylocke, Rogue, Rachel Summers, Madelyne Pryor (not my fave, but she notably recently resurfaced as a villain), and Jubilee. 

So I figured I would overlook the fact that Nightcrawler is “not my favorite” (and I know Dr. Chris is going to come over here and tell me about the time Nightcrawler fought Dracula, and how he was better at it than Wolverine because Nightcrawler is a man of faith even though he’s a weird looking dude. I know. Still not my fave.) Nightcrawler is not a Claremont creation, he’s the brainchild of Dave Cockrum who conceived the blue teleporting mutant while he was on a Navy ship in Guam.

The start of the story really drew me in. The recently resurrected Nightcrawler is fighting Wolverine. Wolverine has recently lost his healing power and they’re testing out a new armor suit. Logan’s as fast as ever, Nightcrawler has trouble teleporting away, in fact. So Nightcrawler ramps up. And Wolverine busts out the claws. Without his healing factor this is especially painful and dangerous and Nightcrawler backs off, but Storm has to break up the fight. She then has a heart to heart with Nightcrawler about how things change and people have to decide what they are made of. Face who they are and deal with the consequences. 

Nightcrawler walks around the halls of the Jean Grey School, remembering how they lost Jean Grey and Thunderbird. And some X-kids and Professors wave “hello” (Quentin Quire, Cessily, a flirty? Rachel Grey …that might just be the art style).But then he goes to see Amanda and mini-Nightcrawler Bamfs. They are interrupted by an unknown assailant in a robot suit. Curiously, it becomes clear that he is after Amanda (who has magic powers, not mutant powers) the adorable Bamfs help save the day and Nightcrawler throws the attacker through a wall. And he vanishes. 

And Amanda decides that the creep might be after her fam. She declines calling in the X-Men and they go in pursuit at the close of the issue. 

Amanda = Magik II/Daytripper (not art from this comic)

Regardless of the fact that the second half of the book was a random mystery to me, I enjoyed this. It was very apparent that Claremont was nostalgically writing Wolverine and it was somewhat overpowering Nightcrawler. Which I was okay with. Write what you know, and all that. But the end of the issue takes Nightcrawler out of his (and my) X-Men comfort zone. 

Todd Nauck’s art is very crisp, the fight scenes were dramatic and easy to follow, the Bamfs were adorbz, all the ladies have big eyes, long lashes and pouty lips. It’s very playful and certainly added to the somewhat surreal vision that Nightcrawler is walking around with while he’s just getting back to his life.

I will be reading.

Fantastic Female Friday: Lily Munster

Lily (Dracula) Munster, Countess of Shroudshire, is the matriarch of the Munster family. Unlike many of her 1960’s TV contemporaries; Lucy Ricardo, Samantha from Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie; Lily was more likely to be playing responsible adult while the antics of her husband, Herman, got them embroiled in zany schemes.

While technically Lily Munster is a “sandwich maker”

The outspoken Lily is very protective of her family -even defending the house with cannons after Grandpa accidentally sells it to a demolition crew intent on turning their haunted mansion into a parking lot. She never forgot where she came from, doing charity work collecting donations for her home country of Transylvania. The (usually) Stay at Home Mom is very involved in the lives of her son, Eddie, and her “hideous” niece, Marilyn.

Sultry and always confident, Lily tells Marilyn of the importance of being self assured and ambitious. While Lily usually ruled the roost at 1313 Mockingbird Lane she also had several jobs during the series: a welder, a palm reader, a model, she even notably opened a salon with Marilyn which went under after she gave everyone monster makeovers. Like I said, the uberconfident Lily sees herself as the ideal of beauty, who wouldn’t want to look like this:

When neighbors or fellow country club members behave rudely towards the Munsters she takes offense but she never wavers in her belief that it’s their problem and not hers. She’s always eager to socialize and is polite even if she doesn’t understand their taste in fashion. While the other Munsters take it more personally when people don’t like them she assumes that it’s their problem and they are snobs. She’ll do anything to spare her sensitive husband from criticism from rude people. Don’t knock housewives, and never mind that on top of wrangling a coming of age woman, a young boy, a stuck in his ways father and an accident prone husband she also has a science lab in her basement and a monster under her stairs.

She’s the daughter of Sam Dracula, married to a Frankenstein’s monster, sister and mother of a werewolf.. I’m not entirely sure how genetics work on this show… Funfact: Lily’s claims dress is lined with pure unborn centipede.

Here’s Yvonne De Carlo as Lily singing “Look Away”

Comicbook Catch-up Extravaganza!

Featuring: Guardians of The Galaxy 11, PrinceLess #2 & Deadpool: The Gauntlet

Guardians of the Galaxy #11 AKA the Trial of Jean Grey #1

(even though the last issue of All-New X-Men was also the Trial of Jean Grey #1) 

I have never read Guardians of the Galaxy and I’m not usually a bandwagon jumper, even when there’s a movie, but this is a crossover with my 2nd favorite X-Men title, so there you go. Also by Brian Michael Bendis. Art by Sara Pichelli. Quill and Gamora have a chance run in at a bar, they’re both Wanted, yet Quill is at his usual spot and he cleverly quips; “Because it’s the first place anyone would look for me. So they probably already looked for me here and moved on.” But the woman is not Gamora! They’re a really a bounty hunting Skrull! Ohh snap. I really dig it, it reminds me of all the Space Western Anime that I like. Gladiator of Shi’ar attempts to explain Jean Grey’s very complicated history in 140 characters or less. There’s argument about whether Jeannie should face trial for crimes she TECHNICALLY hasn’t committed yet (also, she already helped kill that version of herself). The real Gamora and Angela are having a girls day shopping trip -for weapons- when they run into imposter Gamora and Quill. Gamora tries to figure out what the heck is going on, but Angela decapitates her. Angela loots the body and Quill wakes up in one piece. All together all the Guardians find out what the Shi’ar are planning with Jean Grey and they decide to interfere. The last page makes it.

The space-time continuum tremor doesn’t explain why the original X-Men can’t go home, does it explain Marvels funky numbering?

Also, I hate Groot. I hate any character that only says their name!

PrinceLess #2

Princess Adrienne’s brother is getting his lesson on how to be a proper man and swing his sword around. His father makes all manner of emasculating comments to him because he’s the sole air to the throne. None of his sisters have been rescued yet. All of a sudden someone brings news about one of the girls! But it’s not good news, the tower was burned to the ground. No sign of Adrienne. The King swears vengeance! Just then they see her dragon flying around the castle, the King tells everyone to get armed. It’s Devin who notices the rider on the dragon, and sees that they are going for Appalonia’s balcony. Devin fears for her safety and sets out to prove himself a dragonslayer. Adrienne and Devin predictably swordfight, after Devin relocates Appalonia. Adrienne easily wins and reveals herself. They have a heart to heart and Devin reveals that he left the sword in her room. Devin said he wouldn’t let Appalonia be locked away so his father hid her far away with the meanest guards so she’s not there anymore.

 

First mission didn’t go smoothly, but Adrienne stays true to her quest to save her sisters!

The art is a little plain in this one, light on background details but the cover is fierce!

Deadpool: The Gauntlet #1

This is part one of a thirteen part comic that comes out every week until the end of April?! Whaaat? So I’m already super behind. Greaat. And it’s only being further released digitally. It’s out right now up to issue 6 (can be purchased here). Get with the times and save trees.Deadpool is England fighting a man over a girl. He gets shot, expels the bullet which ricochets of the other man’s jet pack and turns it on, sending him off of the airplane they were fighting on. Epic entrance. Then he realizes his katana is in the pilot’s head, and like all cartoons it doesn’t take effect til you see it. He saves the girl from drowning, gives her CPR, she sees what’s under the hood and runs away. 70s style art interlude with theme song and chimichangas. He gets shot in the head and wakes up on a park bench to a vampire! “At least you’re not twinkling and have a shirt on!” Vampire makes a dash, and Deadpool proves we’re soul mates by saying “Don’t make me run! You wouldn’t like me after you make me run!” The encounter gets physical, and the vamp disappears, Deadpool doesn’t know what the vampire rules are here and asks if british Vampires can turn invisible. He catches the vamps trail and follows him back to his master: Dracula. 

People really either love or hate Deadpool, I’m gonna say it… I love Deadpool. 

Dracula- Episode 9

Mina lays in the hospital with vague recollections of a bloody and violent Grayson saving her life. He’s left her a single red rose. Renfield tries to convince Grayson that Davenport alone was seeking vengeance aginst Grayson and NOT the Order of the Dragon. Grayson says the it stinks of high order: using women and children to get revenge. Renfield is correct, of course. Van Helsing explains that he is no longer allied with Grayson, Renfield tries to talk sense into him, but he declines.

Lady Jayne is going on about various violent acts that she will carry out against vampires and Browning confides that his children have been abducted. He has proof that Grayson blackmailed Daniel and Lord Laurent. Browning is convinced that Grayson is Dracula.. Lady Jayne doesn’t buy it and is visibly frustrated at the accusation although they are no longer lovers.

Harker leaves Lucy’s, as he does she calls out to him. Harker looks some version of disgusted/upset/guilty (I’m not sure what he is emoting here). Lucy’s mother sees him leave and asks the negligee clad Lucy what she has done. Lucy closes the door on her mother.

A raid on Grayson’s estate. Renfield, who is his lawyer says that the warrant is invalid and that he will charge the police with criminal trespassing and vandalism. They are searching for evidence that Grayson has taken Browning’s children. The nonplussed Grayson tells them they have his permission.

But Grayson hasn’t taken them… Renfield thinks that it was perhaps Van Helsing.

Harker waits in Browning’s carriage. Grayson “puts Renfield in his place” in a way that was degrading and unneccessary. A crying Lucy confesses to her seemingly caring mother that she’s fallen in love with Mina her mother becomes outraged and Lucy is once again confronted with someone she cares for who does not accept her. Harker asks Browning about the attack on Mina, he says that the Order would never have sanctioned it and that Davenport acted alone… he also realizes that Harker killed Davenport… seems there’s a vacancy in the Order that Harker can fill he is welcomed aboard, his first mission is to steal blueprints for Grayson’s resonator.

Grayson meets with Van Helsing. Van Helsing reiterates that he thinks Grayson behaves irresponsibly and impulsively. Grayson accuses Van Helsing of stealing Browning’s children… he has, but he cannot kill him, no matter how badly he thinks Browning deserves the grief while Grayson feeds his enemies to hungry vamps.

A weak and fragile Mina lays in her hospital bed with Grayson lurking/creeping/watching her.. she realizes that he has been leaving her the roses. Which seemed pretty obvious. Mina says she remembers him saving her… he tells her that he was in Carfax, that she doesn’t remember it right. She disagrees and says she remembers he was there (although oddly enough she isn’t scared as she was earlier.) She asks Grayson to stay. but the sun has been up too long, and he takes his leave.

Lady Jayne goes to where the vampire attack occurs. Browning tells the police that his children are fine… they aren’t… but they have to keep that and the attack out of the public eye..

Lucy goes to visit Mina. Lucy brings her a bouquet and they are happy to see each other. Lucy is regretting her decision to deliberately hurt Mina.  Lucy tells Mina that she has to call off her engagement and forget about Jonathan. Mina demands to know what he has done… Through Lucy’s apology and avoidance Mina surmises that Lucy has slept with him… which is really weird since Mina knows Lucy only has eyes for her… ummm…

Harker is initiated in the Order… taking the oath that says he will put the Order before the needs of himself and all others in his life. Which he already does, so, that’s not new. Grayson has visited Mina three times while Harker has been scheming and sleeping with her best friend.

Van Helsing fashions a ransom note.

Grayson revels in his victory over the council, one day of direct action yielded more results than decades of covert scheming. The board of health says that Grayson’s energy company can reopen. This has been orchestrated by Browning so that they can cause a catastrophe at the demonstration -a failure so epic that no one will deem magnetism a viable energy option.

Mina busts out of the hospital and heads to Harker’s.. he enters and yells at her for being in his house?! The woman he is to marry! Harker blames the fact that he slept with Lucy entirely on Lucy… Mina doesn’t buy the slut shaming and calls Harker a pig. But Harker says one thing that’s true… Mina loves Grayson. And he knows it.

Outside a clumsy Mina catches a reflection of herself… appearing as Grayson’s dead wife. She passes out and back at the hospital Grayson visits her again. He teases her and she cheers up. But she cuts to the chase and asks what is happening between them. He tells Mina about his wife, Alana. Mina has dreamed about Alana, “she looks like me,” she says. “I owe that someone that I used to love a terrible debt and until I pay it I can’t move forward.” He reminds her that she loves Harker.. Mina confides about Harker’s infidelity with Lucy. Grayson gets all “How could  she?!” (look out!)

Grayson busts in on Lucy in the bath and sneaks up on her “If you insist on behaving like a monster, I shall make you one.” And he does. He bites her and then opens his own wrist forcing it in her mouth. He leaves in the blink of an eye leaving Lucy bloody and startled.

Well, Lucy got a shitty lot in the show… angst upon angst and then caught up in this convoluted deception. But at least we are rid of Harker -with Mina anyway. For now at least. I hate him. The way that Grayson treated Renfield in this episode flies in the face of their previously established relationship. Hated it. Next week: Lucy gets consumed and turned!!

Dracula: episode 8

Dracula is having sexy dreams about his former wife, and then the recollection of armored men breaking in and grabbing her away while he is beaten.

Currently Dracula is staring at Mina’s residence. “There is folly in this obsession.” Renfield tells him.

Mina is snooping around Van Helsing’s things again (last time she did this she created a potential vampire rat. This was never addressed, disappointingly). Her father comes to see what she is doing… and confronts her about the dance he caught between her and Grayson.

Lady Jayne and Davenport decide that there is indeed another elder vampire. (Not just the one she killed at her residence, Grayson’s friend). But the huntsman doesn’t find Grayson. She finds a female vampire (a black woman in fact, this show is beyond white and she doesn’t last long… unfortunately that’s a “thing” on this show) During the showdown, Lady Jayne easily beheads a man and the other woman confesses that dracula himself called her there.

Harker is in trouble. And he’s starting to put two and two together about Grayson, he thinks that Grayson killed the bookkeeper (he did).

Van Helsing can’t believe he killed a police magistrate (he did)

Grayson gets the sunlight serum. While Lady Jayne tells the Order of the Dragon that Dracula is in London. And tells the story of how the Order themselves changed Vlad the Impaler into Dracula. She vows to end it once and for all.

Harker tells Mina how violent and dangerous Grayson is. Mina doesn’t buy it when he tells her to stay away.

Grayson goes to see Lady Jayne. And she breaks up with him. She knows that his heart belongs to Mina, she’s known since she saw them dance at Mina and Jonathon’s engagement party. To his merit; he doesn’t deny it or make excuses… but he does say that he risked his life to protect her (he didn’t). She says that the whole time he was pretending she was Mina. He denies it (but he was).

Mina goes to see Grayson. She tells Grayson what Harker has come to her and said. “I would never lie to you, you have my word.” (but vague answers are us). She bizarrely tells him off, saying that her and Harker will not be used up by him.

Lucy is still inanely flirting with Harker. Harker turns her down flat. She begs for a kiss. He declines. So she tells Harker that Mina has been visiting Grayson. 

Grayson has a class A meltdown.

Harker confronts Mina about going to see Grayson against his wishes. Says that she invents reasons to see Grayson so that she can flirt with him (that’s not wrong… it’s pretty accurate, except that one last time)

A vampire lackey says that Dracula can walk in the day. “Dracula has bested God.” Lady Jayne feeds him some Holy Water he gurgles thick blood.

Van Helsing and Renfield talk business, discuss how they will go after High Council or the Dragon’s Head.

Mina steals Dracula’s blood sample from Van Helsing’s office (again) but as she is leaving 3 men break in. She kicks one in the shin and makes a run for it, but she is surrounded and one man shoves her down the stairs leaving her concussed. The men are primed to torture her (to destroy Grayson) …but Grayson shows up and starts ripping out throats. Then he impales them on the fence outside. Vlad the Impaler: Confirmed.

Harker and Grayson and her father are all at the hospital (if Harker thinks Grayson is a danger why does he let Grayson visit? At one point he even storms off leaving Grayson alone with Mina)

Hackett is Davenport’s man. Grayson tells Harker that the police will never believe him. Harker says that he will confront Davenport himself.

Davenport says Grayson is framing him. That Grayson sent Harker because one of them would be killed and either way he wins, either Davenport is dead or Harker is dead… then Grayson will have Mina. Harker falls to shambles under Davenports ranting and Harker shoots him… he sees the painting of someone looking mostly like Mina that Davenport stole from Grayson… and then heads over to Lucy’s. Lucy is not that into it, of course… but she’s satisfied that this will ruin Mina and Harker’s relationship and Mina will experience the pain that Mina inflicted on her. 

Great episode! Lot’s of vampire stuff happening. Beheadings, Grayson’s class A freak out, violence, lust, less fake science…

Bad stuff: it’s awful that a PoC character will walk on and I already know that they will be dead in 5 minutes. That’s ridiculous. Stop doing that. Also the fact that Lucy is so bitter and repressed and she’s the only LGBT character who is still alive? Not good. 

I hope Mina and Harker break up. I still hate Harker. How is it alright to tell your wife who not to see under the guise of “protecting her” but you leave her with this person while she is unconscious? Only one of those times required your interference and you picked the wrong one, Harker!