Comic book Catch-up #5 -DC Edition!

Forever Evil #7 (thank gods that is over!) & Future’s End #3 + #4!

Forever Evil #7

Batman is still strangling Luthor and Catwoman is trying to stop him. She says “this lightning rod is from the future, maybe we can use it to, I don’t know, save him or something!” 

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DO CPR!!!! What the Hell?! 

Wait. It get’s worse. Luthor zaps Batman with electricity (Catwoman still does nothing) and then he reveals that he flatlined Dick after, get this, giving him a pill that would paralyze the muscles around his heart… he needs a shot of adrenaline NOW. He gets the shot and wakes up. A sweet moment is had between Nightwing and Batman (and Luthor and Bizarro) and then Cyborg busts in, he took out Grid. blah blah. Ultraman and Deathstorm debate about what to do now that Mazahs is free. The theorize that they can use Superwoman’s lasso of submission. But she’s not here.

“Is she with Owlman?” Ultraman questions.

Nope. She’s with Mazash. And pregnant with HIS child. And Ultraman gasps, “Lois? You traitorous witch, why?” and she says, “Because Alex is stronger than you, Clark.” Cause all women are either hoes or incompetent in this piece. 

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A million middle fingers for Geoff Johns. 

Ultraman and Mazahs duke it out and Deathstorm confronts Superwoman, “You manipulated us all.” and she calls them “Stupid men.” (Hay awesome, her secret weapon is manipulating men, hahaha… ugh) but she gets him wrapped up in her lasso and Mazahs prepares to feed on his nuclear power. 

Mazahs kills Bizarro. Luthor kills Mazahs. Owlman joins the Batfamily. Sinestro and Black Adam move the moon so that the sun weakens Ultraman (what? how was the moon there that whole time? This is stupid) And all of the exiled heroes from this world climb out of Firestorm (again.. what?) but Superman is dying. Luthor pulls the sliver of kryptonite out of his head. Well, that’s unlikely. He also meets Ted Kord and doesn’t buy Kord industries and encourages Ted. He knows Bruce Wayne is Batman and it ends with an apocalypse baby, Darkseid returning and the Antimonitor vowing to consume him. So it ended. With the heroes coming back which was a huge “duh” because there is no way that all DC’s heavy hitters would get roasted. And then a not real ending. Suck.

Futures End #3

This one is actually getting good, we get backstory on Grifter and Firestorm (who are fighting against each other) the stories flow cohesively between Firestorm giving some ladies a sunny day, to the same babes at a bar where they get harassed by someone who just won a celebrity death pool with the death of Green Arrow. They get bounced by… Red Robin. Lois’s mysterious package lead her there and she immediately knows who she’s looking at. Meanwhile, Mr Terrific knows that Batman (but not which Batman) is looking into him. Light on Batman, good amount of backstory on DC’s B-List. Still not a lot of women, but at least the ones there aren’t bimbos. Thumbs up.

Futures End #4

Frankenstein confronts SHADE about why they are trying to kill him. They just wanted his attention, turns out. Who the fuck is SHADE? run by Father Time (now inhabiting a young girl) SHADE fights against monsters.. with even worse monsters. Bad asses. Fathertime calls attention to the destroyed Stormwatch space ship. The theorize again that THE storm is coming. Red Robin/Cal Corcoran is out for a jog with the babely Madison Payne. He won’t talk about his past, she’s suspicious they’ve done this dance before. Cal lays eyes on the new Batman and it’s clear that he has a grudge against Batman’s Batfamily. Lois is trailing them in a get up that no one has worn since 1990 and no one would wear in the future. Plastique and Key lure Coil out of retirement with a “grail mission” the “last job.” That Grail? It’s in Terrifitech. Grifter is hunting Daemonites and other aliens that prey on addicts when Faraday catches up with him. Faraday paralyzes Grifter, and says he’ll reverse it if Grifter comes and works for him. 

FREE COMIC BOOK DAY! Reviews

Teen Titans GO! #1 (DC Nation Super Sampler)

I loved the cartoon but never read the books. They’re just so super adorable that I couldn’t resist. Artist Ben Bates keeps the cooky, spunky bunch looking snazzy while writer Sholly Fisch puts them in far fetched roommate/BFFL situations involving demonic pizza, high stakes minigolf wagers and Raven manipulating a claw machine to achieve the ultimate prize!

All ages comics typically aren’t my thing. But the dynamics of Teen Titans, from the unlikely friendship between perky alien Starfire and underworld spooky girl Raven to Robin’s rivalry with Speedy I just dig it.

The New 52! FUTURES END #0

Central City 35 years from now: The supes are being “assimilated” into robot bugs. (Grown adults came up with this?) Captain Cold and the Flash are buddies, guess things changed after Forever Evil. “Frankenstein” (the monster) has Canary’s head sewn into his chest and he uses her to take out the Flash. This is all orchestrated by Brother Eye and old man Bruce Wayne convinces Terry (Batman Beyond) to go back in time and kill him. But Batman doesn’t kill people. Moral crisis. And Terry doesn’t quite make it to the right place. So we have a rogue Batman who is time displaced on a murder plot. It could actually be interesting. But, it could also be a hot mess. All new WEEKLY that will forever alter the direction of the New 52. Issue #1 is out May 7th. 

I don’t know if I know about enough of the characters. Forever Evil and the cancellation of The Movement is leaving me burned on DC. Maybe. Maybe I’ll try.

Street Fighter #0

A sampler of 3 stories. “Hong Kong Hustle” by Jim Zub, art by Hanzo Steinbach. The art is amazing, bright and large. Did I mention this book is huge? No? It’s huge. A new student of Ken’s is waiting when passerby’s start catcalling a woman on the street. The woman says not to trouble himself, but he says that he has to do what’s right: defending women against street harassment. The coolest. But the woman turns out to be none other than the Strongest Woman in the World. “Your Enemies Closer” gets harder lines and a completely opposite style courtesy of Takeshi Miyazawa. Ken Siu-Chong pens a tale of revenge. “This hammer was too good at smashing things to be locked away in a toolbox just because it had lost it’s nail.” But Juri might just get her chance after all. “Beyond the Hills” is the origin story of Akuma, which takes us into an underground fight club. The story by Chris Sarracini is darker and grittier and art and colors by Joe Ng/Rob Armstrong/Espen Grundetjern suit the mood effectively, but it was my least favorite of the 3.

Guardians of the Galaxy 

3 ministories: BMB wrote the first one. I dig it. Carol Danvers is there. That’s even better. The cover is a bit uninspiring. Tony Stark is discussing sending Corporal Thompson “off planet” (the dialogue is wonderful here) and Stark gives a quick run down of the soon to be cinematic team. The Guardians are surprised when Thompson is in a wheelchair, but more so when he transforms into Agent Venom.  Thanos: the Infinity Revelation previews a coming series. Then we get Spider-Man: Staging Ground by Dan Slott has Spider-man performing Shakespeare. Weird. Heyyyy Carol Danvers wasn’t in any of those stories. 

What did you pick up for #FCBD?