(Nerd) Newsday Tuesday

Freddie Prinze Jr says Kiefer Sutherland is unprofessional… and nearly everyone replies “Who is Freddie Prinze Jr?” Kiefer’s people address the situation the most obvious way: by pointing out that he has a lucrative career, and that Fox wouldn’t have brought “24” back after 5 years if he were.

While those stars are squabbling, “Walking Dead” actor Steven Yeun addresses racism in Hollywood. He discusses that he has trouble getting roles because there simply aren’t roles for Asian men -and worse, many roles meant for Asian men a whitewashed. You can read more on that here.

Geeks Of Doom gave fans the low down on blu-ray special features for “Agents of SHIELD” they link up a pretty rad blooper real, too.

Quentin Tarantino, now making his foray into comics with Dynamite’s Django Unchained/Zorro crossover series announces that he’ll be directing 2 flicks due out in 2015, one called “The Hateful Eight” and the other? A superlength version of Kill Bill with a 30 minute anime scene.

Also straight out of Comic-Con: Jensen Ackles talks about “Demon Dean” in the season 10 storyline. & Sam Raimi announces an Evil Dead TV series made for Groovy Bruce himself!

In the world of non-entertainment news from San Diego ComicCon: A man plowed into a “Zombie Walk” He started edging out trying to get through the crowd. People/zombies upset about his dangerous driving started banging on the car and sitting on the hood. The man freaked out and drove into the paraders and also injured an 84 year old woman who was not part of the walk.

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For the record, I like Wonder Woman’s get up, it’s serious + powerful. Imitation is the most sincere form of flattery and it’s just one Amazon emulating another after all. I’ll count it as a nod to Xena and hope that Gal Gadot can hurl and insult or deliver a battle cry half as fiercely as Lucy Lawless.

Comicbook Catch-up Extravaganza! Numero Dos!

Featuring Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #5, Lazarus #6, Ms. Marvel #1

Army of Darkness vs Hack/Slash #5

I’ve really enjoyed this series. Despite the chronic late release of the issues it really maintained momentum for me because I loved LOVED seeing Ash and Cassie play off of eachother. The 2 badasses breaking heads with their unconventional weapons, enemies and friends from each series. Fun. Good. This one flew in the frigging face of all of that. The end of last issue featured their hook-up. Cassie’s in a committed relationship with Margaret- so one of two things spring to mind for me: 1) she’s trying to confuse Ash or 2) the writer is a shallow idiot who thinks bisexuals are all sluts. Either way she’s deceitful. 

The duo get to Ancient Greece, turns out Britt the cult leader went back in time and met with Akakios who was an alchemist and “created the principals that the cult followed” and icing on the cherry hate cake? He killed Cassie’s old partner Vlad. They throw a wild party in Ancient Greece to attract Akakios and his cult and deadites and they burn ’em to a crisp. Cassie goes berserker and beelines for Akakios himself, “Changing the past is bad” Ash says, Cassie KO’s him and he knows he’s been played. But not only did she play Ash…she played Margaret. To “Bring back the only thing she ever loved. Vlad.” 

WHAT THEE FUCK?

Thankfully, issue 6 is the last. Because fuck all that shit. Ash and Cassie are now enemies at odds for possession of the Necronomicon.

Ms. Marvel #1

Kamala Khan, teenage supe, writer of Avengers fanfic, shapeshifter and Muslim. Her family is varying degrees of assimilating and she just wants to be a “regular teen” like her classmates and go to parties. So she sneaks out to a party with boys and booze on the waterfront. Her BFF Bruno tries to get her out of there, and she’s all “MYOB” and storms off.. then a crazy for starts to permeate the area. Kamala Khan gets KO’d and has a drugged out dream about the Avengers, and her homegirl, Captain Marvel. And she wishes, “I want to be beautiful and awesome and butt kicking and less complicated. I want to be you.” And Carol Danvers says, “All right, kid. As fate would have it, you’re about to get the kind of total reboot most people only dream about.”

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Epic debut. Kudos to G. Willow Wilson for calling out concern trolls and stereotypes. So pumped to find out what’s up with the fog, or what’s up with Captain Marvel being her fairy godmother. I repurposed that photo from Jeremy Roberts’s deviantart. http://jprart.deviantart.com/art/All-New-Ms-Marvel-412376037

Lazarus #6

Flashback again, to mini-Forever doing pushups on her thumbs and conjugating Latin verbs, she’s taking her training with Marisol too far.

In the present she wakes up to an alarm, takes her regimen and then she receives the text again. “He is not your father, this is not your family.” Joanna is still sporting a black eye and playing innocent. Flash to Montana, we see the family whose home was destroyed. The cost to rebuild will have them taxed out for the foreseeable future. Back in LA, a woman propositions the guards in exchange for food and others break in and set up a device to hack the keypad. They steal canisters of acetylene. Forever catches them in the act, but she directs her wrath at the guards taking advantage of a hungry woman. Forever asks her where the others have taken the canisters. And the Barrets leave Montana for Denver in hopes that their children can work for the Carlyles. Will this play an integral role? Will they start an uprising? Will Forever discover what’s really happening outside of her family? So many questions. 

Rucka has built this insane world. It’s bleak, it’s dark… and sadly, it’s very very real. Carlyles have infinite wealth and resources and meanwhile we see families giving up all they’ve got, their time, their dignity, their land, their children, they sell themselves out. It’s very blood and guts, but no major revelations this issue.

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #3

It took super long for this to come out and then I waited a week and a half to pick it up. Was it worth the wait?

Yessir.

Issue three gets a new voice, that of Cassie Hack, serial killer killer. The final girl. 

The cult priestess is selling off the Necronomicon before Cassie and Ash come around.She sells it to a Mr. Raash, and offers him a deal -a huge discount in return for vanquishing “a skinny goth chick and a chinny pervert.” He accepts the deal and sets off with 3 deadly soldiers (and of course reads a page from the book of the dead to supe them up a bit.”

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Meanwhile, our heroes are socking it to mini-clones and what not. And we’re reminded why Cassie is along for the ride when she receives a call from her partner, Margaret, and baby Sandra. They go stay in a hotel and go to their separate rooms and not too long after they are attacked by the most “alive” seeming deadites yet. A woman who looks like a panther, a well armed man with a snake tongue AND the world’s only Arctic Ninja. 

Instead of getting their heads blown off, Cassie reads some pages from the book of the dead. -Now how that works without absolutely heinous repercussions? I don’t know.

It’s a fun issue and I like having Cassie as the narrator this time. Seeing her opinion of Ash their friendship was awesome (and there were some mini-clones pandering to those who think they should be more than friends), and Margret making an appearance to remind us that Cassie is doing this for her fam. Definitely the best one yet.

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Check out Variant Cover B (my personal fave) by Ben Templesmith, artist of 30 Days of Night. 

I’m really hoping the next issue of this doesn’t take as long to come out.

ThrowBack Attack! Movie Review- Alien Apocalypse

For years and years I worked at a movie store. I bought a bajillion movies and there are some I STILL haven’t watched, or that should have earned a rewatch by now. Alien Apocalypse falls into the first category. This movie came out in 2005 (but had previews for Evil Dead) It was the highest rated SciFi Pictures Original of all time! (Still? Maybe).

Bruce Campbell says of the film “Think Spartacus with aliens.” 

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This is the international cover, which is much cooler than the American one. 

A manned space probe returns to Earth after 40 years. The crew has been taking a cryogenic nap and when they unceremoniously return to Earth, things seem normal at first; world class horror alumni Bruce Campbell stars as Dr. Ivan Hood who starts trying to mack it to astronaut Kelly (played by Renee O’Connor of Xena). 

Soon they find that Earth has been taken over and people enslaved by giant termites. 

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It goes about how you expect: they 4 person crew gets captured, misunderstandings, puns and beheadings ensue. They’re kept in an underground bunker with people who have been prisoners for decades. After each failed escape the aliens take one of your fingers. People work all day chopping wood (for the termites) and they fight each other over gruel. At first Ivan and Kelly don’t fight for food. But exhausted from digging an escape tunnel, they soon succumb to desperate behavior. 

“Do your work well and lives, that is your only choice.”

This has been going on for 20 years. The President is hiding in a bunker. Some people think that the he will come back to save them, but Bruce… err… Ivan and Kelly try to rally the humans. Pushed too far they attempt to lead a rebellion. And get not much support. In the escape Ivan and Kelly get separated. Kelly is captured while Dr. Hood is saved by a beautiful but not very bright girl, who takes him to her even less bright village: Freedom Valley. One of the last human settlements. There he manages to round up some more supporters and they head off to find President Demski…

They do, but what they find isn’t a leader, it’s a cowardly old man. 

Will Dr. Hood be able to rally the humans and kill every last alien?

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There’s a few funny running gags along the way. No one knows what a handshake is, no one has ever heard of a doctor. But why did no one TRY to kill the aliens before? 20 years isn’t all that long, people would still remember what life was like…. so that was weird.

All and all, enjoyability-wise… I give it a 3.

Written and directed by Josh Becker (who was a production assistant on Evil Dead directed episodes of Xena and some movies that sound interesting but that I have never seen.)

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #2

This was the only comic I was supposed to be picking up today. If you follow me on twitter you know that is not remotely what happened. But it’s  the first one I read.

I try to be punctual and stuff, but I’m still unpacking and I have 8,327,737,390 things to do. Reviews are coming. Don’t panic. I’ll be back on the radio this week. HOORAY

So, anyway…

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Killer cover, amirite? Cassie Hack, kicking deadite ass while Ash grabs hers. Eh, maybe. It’s funny? Whatever. anyway…

On the inside, the story begins with Ash being attacked by 2 large naked men in a prison shower. No kidding. Local do gooder, Banerjee all of a sudden turns psycho killer. Ash accurately suspects the Necronomicon/demonic possession/dopplegangers. Banerjee is in prison and is the last person to come into contact with whoever is selling pages of the book. Cassie devises a plan, Ash infiltrates the prison using what she terms, the “reverse Shawshank” (it’s crawling through a sewer pipe), Ash is not amused. Cassie gets in using her… uhhh… sexiness. Ash makes some effed up comment about her ex-partner, Vlad. Cassie is not amused. Not one to settle matters with snide remarks: she cracks him across the jaw.

After a really gross amount of violence, electrocution and decapitation. They set off in the right direction to find The real Banerjee.

“When Hack and I are working we’re like those old married couples you see at a restaurant. Nothing needs to be said. No thought, just action. Except instead of shoveling salisbury steak and green beans into our faces while staring out at the scenic Wal-Mart parking… we’re serving up evil dead destruction with a side of looking damn good.”

It’s true. Chainsaw through a dog’s head, and Banerjee is rescued and kicked off to the ER… after spilling his guts about where he got the page. A CULT WITH A SELF PROCLAIMED MESSIAH whose followers wear dead men’s faces. Classic tactic.

I’m enjoying the play between Cassie and Ash. Him lusting after her and her “knee high athletic sock things” while admiring her handiwork.

Cassie Hack is completely a manifestation pandering to male audiences. She’s wearing little more than fishnet and knee socks, she’s all T&A and using her vagina to get what she wants from people she can’t kill.

But that bat, though:

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Bitchin’.

Looking forward to seeing what they do with a female villain.

Best comic to read in Bruce Campbell’s voice.

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Speaking of female villains. Check back later for the Poison Ivy #1/Batman Detective Comics #23.1 Villains Month special! Yeahhh Yo

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #1

The debut starts out with Cassie Hack, the serial killer killer, having date-night with her girlfriend, Margaret. They left their baby Sandra home with a babysitter. Spilled wine reminds Cassie of the death of her friend, Vlad, and she asks to go home. But when they arrive at home Cassie spots an unknown vehicle up the street and suspects an intruder. She’s right, of course:

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A hilarious fight scene ensues, until they realize who the other is.

Turn’s out the fan’s of each other’s work (but who wouldn’t be?)

Ash is seeking the Book of the Dead (go figure), and has tracked it to Cassie Hack’s house (what are the odds). Then they realize that in all the excitement they haven’t seen the babysitter! Things never go well for babysitters. Kristin has been sacrificed and they find her eating her own hands.

With a battle cry of “Give me your skin!” A gory mess of a fight scene, ensues and then we get set up for another round of adventure with the two agreeing to come together as “a pair a’ rogue elephants united on a quest.”

A mash-up made in horror heaven! Badassery on all-sides.

T & A, one liners, interesting weapons of choice, reading in Bruce Campbell’s voice? Co-ed heroes saving each other’s skin in disgusting and unexpected ways?

Awesome! Too much fun!