Army of Darkness vs Hack/Slash #6

This series was wrought with delays, employed immature tropes and the last issue annoyed me to no end. But this was the last issue and I’d pressed on this long. So after Cassie betrayed Ash and left him in ancient Greece, what would become of her?

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Cassie takes on Britt Cilentro and heads back to the Ig’nant Mime Squad concert where overweight and underwashed teens had their sodas spiked and turned into Black Paladin stab happy dombies (that’s a demon-zombie, kids). This issue really tugged at my heart strings, Cassie is willing to cross time and space, fight deadites, cult leaders, suped up GI Joe wannabes and more to save Vlad from his fate. So she goes back to where Vlad died. But Ash, in a moment of maturity tells Cassie that he’s been down this road. But some other awful thing always happens. If she saves Vlad; what if she doesn’t marry Margaret and adopt Sandra? What if she has a whole different life that no one else remembers? 

And Cassie listens, and she doesn’t save Vlad. And she goes home with her wife and Ash babysits while they see the new Denzel movie. 

So I give Tim Seeley credit. Because he’d really lost me with #5. I was PISSED. Here’s the thing, though; it didn’t feel totally authentic until Ash asked Cassie to call him if she and Margaret ever wanted to make a reverse Oreo. 

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That’s Tim Seeley’s cover. None of that happened. But metaphorically it makes perfect sense.

Comicbook Catch-up Extravaganza! Numero Dos!

Featuring Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #5, Lazarus #6, Ms. Marvel #1

Army of Darkness vs Hack/Slash #5

I’ve really enjoyed this series. Despite the chronic late release of the issues it really maintained momentum for me because I loved LOVED seeing Ash and Cassie play off of eachother. The 2 badasses breaking heads with their unconventional weapons, enemies and friends from each series. Fun. Good. This one flew in the frigging face of all of that. The end of last issue featured their hook-up. Cassie’s in a committed relationship with Margaret- so one of two things spring to mind for me: 1) she’s trying to confuse Ash or 2) the writer is a shallow idiot who thinks bisexuals are all sluts. Either way she’s deceitful. 

The duo get to Ancient Greece, turns out Britt the cult leader went back in time and met with Akakios who was an alchemist and “created the principals that the cult followed” and icing on the cherry hate cake? He killed Cassie’s old partner Vlad. They throw a wild party in Ancient Greece to attract Akakios and his cult and deadites and they burn ’em to a crisp. Cassie goes berserker and beelines for Akakios himself, “Changing the past is bad” Ash says, Cassie KO’s him and he knows he’s been played. But not only did she play Ash…she played Margaret. To “Bring back the only thing she ever loved. Vlad.” 

WHAT THEE FUCK?

Thankfully, issue 6 is the last. Because fuck all that shit. Ash and Cassie are now enemies at odds for possession of the Necronomicon.

Ms. Marvel #1

Kamala Khan, teenage supe, writer of Avengers fanfic, shapeshifter and Muslim. Her family is varying degrees of assimilating and she just wants to be a “regular teen” like her classmates and go to parties. So she sneaks out to a party with boys and booze on the waterfront. Her BFF Bruno tries to get her out of there, and she’s all “MYOB” and storms off.. then a crazy for starts to permeate the area. Kamala Khan gets KO’d and has a drugged out dream about the Avengers, and her homegirl, Captain Marvel. And she wishes, “I want to be beautiful and awesome and butt kicking and less complicated. I want to be you.” And Carol Danvers says, “All right, kid. As fate would have it, you’re about to get the kind of total reboot most people only dream about.”

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Epic debut. Kudos to G. Willow Wilson for calling out concern trolls and stereotypes. So pumped to find out what’s up with the fog, or what’s up with Captain Marvel being her fairy godmother. I repurposed that photo from Jeremy Roberts’s deviantart. http://jprart.deviantart.com/art/All-New-Ms-Marvel-412376037

Lazarus #6

Flashback again, to mini-Forever doing pushups on her thumbs and conjugating Latin verbs, she’s taking her training with Marisol too far.

In the present she wakes up to an alarm, takes her regimen and then she receives the text again. “He is not your father, this is not your family.” Joanna is still sporting a black eye and playing innocent. Flash to Montana, we see the family whose home was destroyed. The cost to rebuild will have them taxed out for the foreseeable future. Back in LA, a woman propositions the guards in exchange for food and others break in and set up a device to hack the keypad. They steal canisters of acetylene. Forever catches them in the act, but she directs her wrath at the guards taking advantage of a hungry woman. Forever asks her where the others have taken the canisters. And the Barrets leave Montana for Denver in hopes that their children can work for the Carlyles. Will this play an integral role? Will they start an uprising? Will Forever discover what’s really happening outside of her family? So many questions. 

Rucka has built this insane world. It’s bleak, it’s dark… and sadly, it’s very very real. Carlyles have infinite wealth and resources and meanwhile we see families giving up all they’ve got, their time, their dignity, their land, their children, they sell themselves out. It’s very blood and guts, but no major revelations this issue.

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #3

It took super long for this to come out and then I waited a week and a half to pick it up. Was it worth the wait?

Yessir.

Issue three gets a new voice, that of Cassie Hack, serial killer killer. The final girl. 

The cult priestess is selling off the Necronomicon before Cassie and Ash come around.She sells it to a Mr. Raash, and offers him a deal -a huge discount in return for vanquishing “a skinny goth chick and a chinny pervert.” He accepts the deal and sets off with 3 deadly soldiers (and of course reads a page from the book of the dead to supe them up a bit.”

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Meanwhile, our heroes are socking it to mini-clones and what not. And we’re reminded why Cassie is along for the ride when she receives a call from her partner, Margaret, and baby Sandra. They go stay in a hotel and go to their separate rooms and not too long after they are attacked by the most “alive” seeming deadites yet. A woman who looks like a panther, a well armed man with a snake tongue AND the world’s only Arctic Ninja. 

Instead of getting their heads blown off, Cassie reads some pages from the book of the dead. -Now how that works without absolutely heinous repercussions? I don’t know.

It’s a fun issue and I like having Cassie as the narrator this time. Seeing her opinion of Ash their friendship was awesome (and there were some mini-clones pandering to those who think they should be more than friends), and Margret making an appearance to remind us that Cassie is doing this for her fam. Definitely the best one yet.

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Check out Variant Cover B (my personal fave) by Ben Templesmith, artist of 30 Days of Night. 

I’m really hoping the next issue of this doesn’t take as long to come out.

Army of Darkness/Re-Animator One Shot!

Ash, transported through time and space by the necronomicon again is dropped in front of Herbert West …Medical Doctor, who is just doing typical Miskatonic University quality stuff digging up graves. Ash starts to ask questions and Herbert bashes him over the head.

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It’s 1922, Ash convinces West to call him Elvis Presley. West gives him a new dead hand while he’s unconscious for two weeks and then holds the Necronomicon Ex Mortis hostage and enlists Ash to be his assistant. So Ash is trapped, getting called Presley, digging graves and serving the pretentious and ill-tempered West. West has taken over the Miskatonic and many of his known cohorts are dead or “missing” …Ash is moderately concerned, and becomes more concerned when a dead man with a missing hand shows up.

West: “I am working to extend human life”

Ash: “Well for Chrissakes, eat kale and stay out of the sun!”

West recounts his earliest experiments and confesses how he turned the Dean into a rampaging ghoul, and later, during WWI, he enlisted as an Army medic to have access to fresh corpses and body parts. After this freakish tale, Ash takes in a classic flick and plots on how to get the book back. His hand takes on a mind of it’s own. Ash has been down this road before! The hand goes on a killing spree separate from West’s killing spree. Tension builds.

West, his experiments ruined, gets desperate and recites an incantation from the Necronomicon to speed up his work. WHAT? West, a true man of science driven insane in his quest for academic success, would never resort to magic. Murder, decapitation, kidnapping? Certainly. But using magic? pfft.

But say he would: Deadites everywhere.

I won’t spoil the rest.

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I love cross-overs, and from a couple from my favorite(ish) 80’s camp movies? I like it. The art is spot on and the spastic one-liner spouting Ash playing off of the infuriatingly persistent West is just awesome.

I give it 4 Stars, which would impress Ash and infuriate perfectionist Herbert West.

This rad one-shot was written by Mark Rahner, who also penned the HP Lovecraft derived comic “Cthulhu Tales” and Dynamite babe Vampirella’s current series.

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #2

This was the only comic I was supposed to be picking up today. If you follow me on twitter you know that is not remotely what happened. But it’s  the first one I read.

I try to be punctual and stuff, but I’m still unpacking and I have 8,327,737,390 things to do. Reviews are coming. Don’t panic. I’ll be back on the radio this week. HOORAY

So, anyway…

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Killer cover, amirite? Cassie Hack, kicking deadite ass while Ash grabs hers. Eh, maybe. It’s funny? Whatever. anyway…

On the inside, the story begins with Ash being attacked by 2 large naked men in a prison shower. No kidding. Local do gooder, Banerjee all of a sudden turns psycho killer. Ash accurately suspects the Necronomicon/demonic possession/dopplegangers. Banerjee is in prison and is the last person to come into contact with whoever is selling pages of the book. Cassie devises a plan, Ash infiltrates the prison using what she terms, the “reverse Shawshank” (it’s crawling through a sewer pipe), Ash is not amused. Cassie gets in using her… uhhh… sexiness. Ash makes some effed up comment about her ex-partner, Vlad. Cassie is not amused. Not one to settle matters with snide remarks: she cracks him across the jaw.

After a really gross amount of violence, electrocution and decapitation. They set off in the right direction to find The real Banerjee.

“When Hack and I are working we’re like those old married couples you see at a restaurant. Nothing needs to be said. No thought, just action. Except instead of shoveling salisbury steak and green beans into our faces while staring out at the scenic Wal-Mart parking… we’re serving up evil dead destruction with a side of looking damn good.”

It’s true. Chainsaw through a dog’s head, and Banerjee is rescued and kicked off to the ER… after spilling his guts about where he got the page. A CULT WITH A SELF PROCLAIMED MESSIAH whose followers wear dead men’s faces. Classic tactic.

I’m enjoying the play between Cassie and Ash. Him lusting after her and her “knee high athletic sock things” while admiring her handiwork.

Cassie Hack is completely a manifestation pandering to male audiences. She’s wearing little more than fishnet and knee socks, she’s all T&A and using her vagina to get what she wants from people she can’t kill.

But that bat, though:

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Bitchin’.

Looking forward to seeing what they do with a female villain.

Best comic to read in Bruce Campbell’s voice.

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Speaking of female villains. Check back later for the Poison Ivy #1/Batman Detective Comics #23.1 Villains Month special! Yeahhh Yo

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #1

The debut starts out with Cassie Hack, the serial killer killer, having date-night with her girlfriend, Margaret. They left their baby Sandra home with a babysitter. Spilled wine reminds Cassie of the death of her friend, Vlad, and she asks to go home. But when they arrive at home Cassie spots an unknown vehicle up the street and suspects an intruder. She’s right, of course:

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A hilarious fight scene ensues, until they realize who the other is.

Turn’s out the fan’s of each other’s work (but who wouldn’t be?)

Ash is seeking the Book of the Dead (go figure), and has tracked it to Cassie Hack’s house (what are the odds). Then they realize that in all the excitement they haven’t seen the babysitter! Things never go well for babysitters. Kristin has been sacrificed and they find her eating her own hands.

With a battle cry of “Give me your skin!” A gory mess of a fight scene, ensues and then we get set up for another round of adventure with the two agreeing to come together as “a pair a’ rogue elephants united on a quest.”

A mash-up made in horror heaven! Badassery on all-sides.

T & A, one liners, interesting weapons of choice, reading in Bruce Campbell’s voice? Co-ed heroes saving each other’s skin in disgusting and unexpected ways?

Awesome! Too much fun!