Movie Review: Lizzie Borden Took An Axe (2014)

This Lifetime TV movie biopic on the legendary Lizzie Borden tried and acquitted for the 1892 murders of her parents is surprisingly hip and adorable.

The cast helps. Horror alum Christina Ricci (Addams Family, Cursed, Sleepy Hollow) plays Lizzie. Clea Duvall (“American Horror Story”, Helter Skelter, The Grudge) plays her sister Emma. Her mother and father are played by Sara Botsford (Tremors 4) and Stephen McHattie (“The Strain”, Septic Man).

The soundtrack helps as well, there are adorable indie tunes scattered about in a similar vein to Sophia Coppola’s Marie Antoinette. 

It brings modernization in a low key way that a modern remake never could. It makes the snafus -use of electric lighting, appearance of telephone poles- seem less foolish.

Budding sociality and bratty rich girl can’t get a new dress for a dance.

She was acquitted, mainly because it was inconceivable to a jury that a woman could commit murder with an axe.

So, there’s that.

Lizzie Borden is such a notorious figure. Ricci does an outstanding job portraying the immature sociality and the movie is aesthetically and auditorily pleasing. Overall, an awesome retelling.

3.75/5

Male Objectification Monday: David Duchovny

Our most NSFW edition ever.

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There you go. Teacup over the penis. That from Playgirl. Many years ago.

Admittedly, Duchovny wins this high honor because I’ve been waxing nostalgic re-watching the hell out of “X-Files”

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Fresh faced true believer carrying the weight of regret and past mistakes. I feel for Mulder every time that it’s not aliens.

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But he still looks good 20 years after season 1:

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Previews and News- Septic Man

In theaters on August 15th -And video on demand TODAY is Septic Man the gross-out flick about an small town with a tainted water supply. The town is evacuated and ordinary Sewerage worker, Jack (Jesse David Brown) who is paid off by Prosser (Julian Richings) to clean it up but keep it quiet and find himself battling foes, sickness and a hideous transformation.

Radio Of Horror has been lucky enough to speak with Robert Maillet (“The Strain,” Hercules, 300)

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and Julian Richings (“Supernatural,” “Orphan Black”) -tune in Sunday at midnight EST for that (wcuw.org)!!

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If you dig gross-out flicks check out the opening scene here… if you dare:

 

WARNING DO NOT WATCH AFTER EATING

 

Extant- Episode 4

I was a couple minutes late so I don’t know the first scene. I saw Yasimoto killing a robot in a tank.

Molly and her fam are on the run and they crash with her pops. His dog isn’t a fan of her anymore. Probably because she’s carrying an alien fetus. But the robot child is not a target for Cujo, Ethan also appears to be enjoying time with his grampa and crashing in Molly’s old room.

Sam is being held by Molly’s bosses, she goes into the restroom and tries to fluch Molly’s blood sample. The men accurately surmise that she’s trying to determine the DNA of the fetus. On the beach Grampa is teaching Ethan how to skip rocks, which Ethan immediately excels at. 

“So when we do the test and it’s our’s what’s next?” “We have the baby.” …what’s this ‘ours’? the fetus is a damn alien. An alien that looked like her dead ex.

Sam gets blackmailed. Molly sees her creeper stalker alien ex in the garage where John is working. Ethan tells Grandpa that his mom and dad have secrets, then he gets Ethan embroiled in gambling on bar games. The game is Bimini Ringtoss, which was possibly invented by Hemingway.

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Pops falls off the wagon and then lashes out at Ethan (when he intentionally loses, after noticing that people were getting wild).Grandpa gets out to open the gate. mere moments, but Ethan is abducted.

The police refuse to search; saying the won’t risk men for a machine. John pleads with them to know avail and then punches one. Meanwhile, Molly takes matters into her own hands and finds Ethan, powered down. 

Then helicopters circle. Now, Molly is a capable woman. But she’s upset about the possibility of her son in danger, she’s having what anyone would consider to be an unsafe pregnancy and she’s been hallucinating. MAYBE you should have gone with her John.

John’s in a holding cell while Molly wakes up in a hospital gown and a sterile atmosphere, those circles appear on her abdomen. Then she uses some amatuer telekinesis and then beans a doctor to escape. Sadly, the disoriented Molly runs into another room full of medical staff. Including Yasimoto.

Molly’s boss runs the blood sample.

Molly wakes up in time for knockout gas and we see them using a laser to cut into her abdomen. 

I need answers!! Shit gets real with more human problems and less hallucinations.

Next episode looks truly freaky.

Tonight’s Tropes? Bad black father. Menacing Asian doctor. 

But all in all the characters are very multidimensional …except Marcus… probably because he’s a hallucination. A creepy one at that. For the record: If I had a creepy robot kid, I would definitely exploit his weirdness for free drinks.

(Nerd) Newsday Tuesday

Sleepy Hollow is months away, but showrunners are already teasing fans and showing off new cast members. Check out this video from Matt Barr  answering a fan question that was posted on the show’s instagram.

Word hits that the 6th Resident Evil film is likely to be the last, Jovovich and director hubby Paul Anderson seem resolute about this. But it’s unlikely that the zombie craze will die with it. Tor speculates about possible future resurrections and incarnations for Alice and the Tyrant Virus infected.

Marvel posted a preview of Jean Gray using her new powers in All-New X-Men

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As you can see, I am way behind on comic reviews. This week I’m getting SERIOUS. Promise.

Regardless: I am most pumped about the news that there will be NEW POWERPUFF GIRLS!

AND!!! I just found out about Tim Burton’s 1982 short version of “Hansel and Gretel” it’d be a crime not to share!

 

Male Objectification Monday- Michael Jai White

 

 

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Welcome back a feature that has been missing for far too long with this handsome dude! What lead to this choice? Do you even have to ask? 

If you must know I recently got to meet the impressive, handsome and funny Michael Jai White at TerrorCon. Michael Jai White has recently frequently appeared on CW’s “Arrow” as well as notable in genre roles in The Dark Knight, Mortal Kombat and Spawn.

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Look at that smile!

Fun fact: His first roles were in Toxic Avenger sequels (late 1980s).

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And he starred in, wrote and produced the film Black Dynamite (2009).

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White is an accomplished martial artist and his upcoming role in Falcon Rising later this year has him battling the yakuza in Brazil.

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Looks so good I can overlook that he’s a DC guy and not a Marvel guy. …And an obligatory suit picture, because he cleans up well, he’s not just another set of stellar abs.

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He’ll be back on “Arrow” again next season and gracing screens of all sizes with cinematic releases as well.

Check out Radio of Horror’s YouTube page for excerpts from Michael Jai White’s TerrorCon panel!

Newsday- Nintendo, Fred Williamson, Summer TV +more

Mario Kart 8, work and training for a 5k has eaten my blogging life. I didn’t pick up my comics yet this week, so I figured I’d tell you what’s on my mind.

Penny Dreadful, which I have been loving is renewed for season 2! After 4 episodes! FINALLY a show that I like doesn’t get axed with plotlines hanging around everywhere!

Fred Williamson, AKA “the Hammer” ex-football player and total badass has a new movie called The Last Hit Man. Written, directed and starring Williamson, with Franco Nero and Gary Busey. I got to meet Fred Williamson at TerrorCon over the weekend. I attended his Q&A where he said he turns down 4 or 5 movies every week (every WEEK) because the black characters are written as spoofs or goons or idiots who die in the first 5 minutes. Kudos to him for being uncompromising and making it work on his own terms, but shame on Hollywood for presenting the choice as “don’t work” or “degrade yourself”. It’s a damn shame. 

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He’s also in his 70s and will still kick your ass.

Under the Dome is back on June 30th, Stephen King himself  releases/reads the intro to snowball some hype. We have to wait until July 9th for Extant- Halle Berry fronts this scifi CBS show… about a woman impregnated by aliens after a trip to space. +3 for diversity, +1 for Spielberg, +2 for women in science… but impregnated by aliens? yeesh. Apocalypse/saviour baby plots are not my fave. Raped by aliens is not good. 

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TRUEBLOOD’s final season kicks off in a couple weeks. Rumor mill says there will be a same sex hook-up (“from non-gay characters”) in ep2. Honestly, I can’t imagine this will be handled in a mature fashion most of the gay characters have been bogged down with tropes on tropes. Every one is still hoping that Alexander Skarsgard is involved. Honestly, I think his little brother is cuter. Which is why I’m counting the days til July 11th when Bill Skarsgard returns as Roman on Netflix original series “Hemlock Grove”. 

Official season 2 trailer, anyone?

Absolutely no one anywhere can wait for the new open world Zelda. But we have to. 2015.

 

 

Penny Dreadful- Episode 5

“Closer Than Sisters”

The pace slowed down considerably with this episode. 

The entirety of the episode takes place in flashbacks to Vanessa’s childhood. The ENTIRETY. For a show with as large a main cast as Penny Dreadful has this is quite bizarre. No monsters. No vampires, no werewolves. No love triangles. No Dorian Gray.

Which means that I have to wait and see what happens with Dorian and Ethan. This show has sucked my in. As soon as I watch; I want more. This show is typically intense with multiple plotlines and motivations intermingling.

So this Vanessa-centric, nostalgic exposition was… different.

Vanessa and Mina were neighbors who grew up separated by only an open gate and a hedge maze. We see them first as children imagining who they will marry, frolicking on the coastline and brushing each other’s hair. Vanessa’s crush on Peter. Until one fateful night. The young Vanessa was out in the hedge maze and she caught her mother having sex with Mina’s father, Sir Malcolm. This breech of her innocence causes her to act out in other ways, stealing and other instances of “girlish mischief.” 

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As they grow older Mina meets the kind of man that they dreamed of growing up while Vanessa’s budding relationship never blooms. He tells Vanessa he is going off to Africa. Vanessa knows he’s too weak, but she loves him for his weakness. Peter pushes her away. Just before Mina and her officer with the grand mustache are to be married, Vanessa encounters him in the halls and they flirt over taxidermy. Then they have sex. Mina finds the pair while her soon to be husband is pounding away at her BFF and she casts both of them out of her life. 

Vanessa confronts her mother about her infidelity with Sir Malcolm but when Vanessa gets to Mina’s yard she is faced with Sir Malcolm. He doesn’t let her pass and slams the gate. Vanessa collapses.

She treated first for what appears to be epilepsy and then she is taken in for psychiatric treatment for psychosexual fits. Treatments like ice baths and heavy narcotics… but nothing seems to work. The possession continues. Her mother finds her humping the air (Vanessa envisions Sir Malcolm) and faints. Peter comes to visit just before a trip to Africa and Vanessa predicts his death. 

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Years later, Vanessa is visited by Mina on a beach. Mina says that she forgives Vanessa saying that her suffering has been penance enough. Mina tells Vanessa about her new husband, Jonathan Harker. But once she lets it slip that Vanessa saw her father being unfaithful, Mina reveals that the Master has told her a lot. And then Vanessa visits Sir malcolm and tells him what Mina has revealed to her.

So let’s talk about it: Women’s sexuality demonized. Literally.

The loss of Vanessa’s innocence leads to her morality spiraling down the drain. Which isn’t supernatural mumbo jumbo. The young Vanessa sees that the adults around her are hypocritical in their religious and pious appearance, that they are sinning and she youthfully acts out. But then as an adult she is jealous of her friend and so she seduces her fiance. This act leaves her open for demonic possession. 

Slut shaming at it’s finest that Vanessa’s betrayal leaves her the property of Satan.

Other than that? 

I’m glad I have incorrectly assumed that Sir Malcolm raped Mina. It appears as though at the seance it was a young Mina’s essence who inhabited Vanessa (or possibly still Peter) but that the “her” was Vanessa’s mother. I hope. Possession is very confusing. 

This episode was comparatively slower to all the other episodes thus far, but it was so bizarre and captivating that it didn’t hurt my enjoyment of it. Eva Green can easily carry a scene and I have to give her props for some of the insane things that she pulled off there. 

I am concerned.

What I am concerned about is this:

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Now, I wouldn’t be bothered if Vanessa’s love for Mina is romantic more than platonic. But I will be bothered if Vanessa had sex with Mina’s fiance not because Vanessa was jealous of Mina for having what she envisioned but that she was jealous because she wanted Mina. I don’t need a “conniving lesbian homewrecker” plot. It’s preposterous.Hopefully I am just being paranoid. Tropes make me suspicious. Also, I hate to say it -because I don’t mind a “strong female character would do anything for true love” plot, which this would be if Vanessa had an interest in Mina that was romantic, but can girls just be down for their friends sometimes? I hope.

Penny Dreadful: Episode 4

This episode begins in the daylight. A rare occurrence, and this time it’s not a flash back. Dorian Gray and Vanessa are out at a garden and flirt with each other. I find the topic of them becoming a couple to be rather boring. 

Lots happened and I will discuss them in no particular order: Sir Malcolm accuses Vanessa of betraying Mina, Vanessa retorts that he betrayed Mina her whole life. Which makes further clear that malcolm was abusing his daughter. He’s supposed to be the leader of this group of monster hunters fighting against the darkness and I could not be less sympathetic towards him. Dr. Frankenstein hopes to run away to Africa to help with the mummy, but Sir Malcolm declines.

Ethan on the other hand is stealing my heart. As previously established: I love Josh Hartnett. I loved him in Black Dahlia. I loved him in 30 Days of Night. I loved him in Wicker Park. His voice alone melts my vanilla… anyway, Dr Frankenstein performs a transfusion on the young imprisoned vampire Fenton. Ethan declines. Suspicious. Further evidence he’s a werewolf? Malcolm donates blood, it doesn’t work. But more on Ethan. He takes Brona to the theater (to see a play about a werewolf, no less), it happens to be the same theater company that employs Caliban. At the end of the play Ethan and Brona run into Vanessa and Dorian (who made goo goo eyes across the balcony throughout the show), Vanessa compliments Ethan more than was really needed (perhaps to play up his prowess for Brona’s behalf? Make him look like more of a catch?) but things are more awkward since Dorian has paid Brona for sex and insulted her. Brona abruptly runs off, Ethan goes to confront her and she screams at him “Don’t you realize you’re fucking a skeleton?” and then tells him that if he wants her he has to pay for it like everyone else. 

Elsewhere, the master comes for Fenton and they get the drop on Sir Malcolm. The Master is dastardly looking, yellowish white skin, bloodshot eyes and a mouth full of pointed teeth. He looks sort of like the Master from Buffy. Sir Malcolm flails the fiends off of him and Fenton ends up impaled, bleeding from the head. 

Brona slaps Ethan, races off and collapses in a coughing fit, sputtering blood. Meanwhile, Dorian comes to collect Ethan. Ethan.. rather… ummm… no one talks like this, but he asks Dorian if he ever just wants to be someone else. He says he does and he takes Ethan out for drinks and gambling (on how many rats can a dog kill) Ethan gets freaked out and ends up slamming back whiskey, some blokes pick a fight and he handles it quick. Dorian apologizes and brings Ethan back to his own mansion, with floor to ceiling framed pictures adorning every inch of wall. Ethan says “I saw some pictures I liked before” (People really think Americans are this uncultured.. they aren’t wrong) and described Native American paintings that he saw in a dwelling carved into a cliff. Animals, the sun, the moon. No people. Dorian asks why he liked those. First he says they were “primitive” then he visibly shakes himself and says that they were honest and focussed on what was important. Dorian asks if art can ever be honest. He thinks only music can be, and he plays a recording on a wax cylinder. The song causes Ethan to reflect on his time in London. Monsters, murders, Brona, waking up under the bridge (with what looks like claw marks from clenching his fist into his palm)  and then this…

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And I about climbed into my TV

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I am thoroughly enjoying this show, for the human connections as well as the monsters. But this one was rather soap operatic. I hope we get to some more blood and adventure next week, but it looks as though Vanessa is stealing center stage and we get more backstory on Vanessa and Mina. 

I wonder if Ethan and Dorian are going to wake up together. I wonder what their relationship will be going forward. 

V-Wars #2

This cover:

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I hate it. It looks like a cheesy direct to DVD horror flick. It took me forever to “see” that vamp in the corner left so it appeared to me at first that the woman in the center had her hand down lipring vampire’s pants. Who ok’d this?

A reporter is held hostage by vampires, they’re saying that she doesn’t care about the truth, that she just reads lines. He tells her that vampires aren’t getting due process, that they’re Americans too. He thinks that someone is diverting attention on purpose. He throws around stats proving that humans are more violent.He wants her to tell their side of the story. Yuki Nitobe has to decide whether or not to be their spokesperson. She’s released and calls Luthor (the man from issue 1 who was an expert on vamps, his family turned) . She confesses that she doesn’t like the ratings queen that she has become.

The next day Yuki meets with a vampire named Kyra who has been badly tortured by humans. This scenario happens all the time, “We are the new minority. People are afraid of us and they hate that they are afraid.” That would be reasonable except for that vampires are dangerous and bloodthirsty. Not Kyra, Kyra is a quaker and abstains from violence even as she is being beaten and raped. 

The go to The Red House: a church/cult for vampires to worship and form community.

The black vampire who looks mostly human uses the phrase “One that, like me, can pass” Holy fucking shite with this appropriated garbage. 

Yuki and Martyn go to stop a terrorist plot. Luthor is also there along with homeland security. But when they arrive, it’s not criminals or terrorists, just an abandoned dwelling full of squatters and vagrants, but homeland security open fire while Yuki and Martyn watch in horror. The news reports it as if Homeland busted a volatile terror cell, except for Yuki who asks viewers to question what evidence or weapons they had to show. It nearly costs her her job, but she has a solid contract and great lawyers. Kyra thanks her, but then they are attacked at the Red House. The whole plays explodes. “No one saw anything.” 

She and Luthor drink their problems away and then she goes back on air and proclaims that she is always on the side of truth and she will make sure that the responsible party -no matter who they are- is dragged into the light.