Conner killed this cover. Or should I say nailed, murdered and shish-kabobbed it? Harleen Quinzel floats above, doe eyed and content (cute slippers, too) above corpses that have been hacked up with saws, hatchets, wrenches, scissors, rakes an sporks. Heart Grenade graffiti papers the background.
Inside; a checkerboard format has Harley going through a haunted house ride. It’s Valentine’s Day there on planet Harley and a creepy surgeon reminds her of her bad boyfriend, Mr. J. Suddenly, she’s ambushed by a hit man dressed as a Nosferatu. She disarms him, shoot’s him and leaves him for the underemployed nerd to clean up.
She walks by happy couples with a rain cloud overhead and then sees Big Tony sitting on her steps with a bouquet. They weren’t originally for her, they were for Queenie, but she takes them anyway. But it’s not what she wants. HQ wants unconditional love, someone committed (pun or not?). While she sets her flowers by the window, she sees that her recent house guest, Poison Ivy has left her some goodies. One of the potted plants has a not that says “For finding LOVE” she eats a couple of the berries…
Then she gets a call: she got the therapist job at the nursing home. She feels the need to celebrate and gets decked out in leather leggings and a strapless dress. Harley hits the street, heading to a singles bar. 5 minutes later she crosses in front of a prisoner transport bus. The driver falls immediately for Harley, he loses concentration and crashes. 8 murderers, 2 serial killers, 2 mass murderers, and arsonist and a pervert escape …and they all catch Harley’s scent.
They start this creepy “yum. yum.” “mine” thing at her and she says, “I ain’t none of yours.” They chase her up the road where she finds WE B TOOLS and goes on the search for her weapon of choice.
She makes her stand with weed whackers, a proband tank, axe, wrench, nail gun… She take particular vengeance with the pervert… a female police officer shows up to investigate and she falls for Harley, too. Our girl runs for home and slingshots Poison Ivy’s love plant out the window. Big Tony comes in, asks for the flowers back, he’s gonna go after Queenie and fight for her. HQ gives him a freaky berry to give him the edge (well, that’s rapey).
Harley goes to play with her dogs and goes on an anti-Valentine’s Day rant.
I still don’t know what to make of this series. It’s zany. I like Harley. But there’s not enough happening yet. I wanna know who put the hit on HQ, issue 3 seemed a little early for a Holiday Themed side track.
Also, Harley giving Tony the berry after she got harassed, assaulted and nearly chopped up for dinner. She gave him less, so that wouldn’t happen to him, but it would still trick Queenie into falling for Tony. Queenie who’s on a date with someone and doesn’t like Big T. Consent is absent there. That’s not romantic, it’s gross. In the final panel we also see that Queenie’s date has fallen for Tony. Love potions are equivalent to date rape drugs, consciousnesses are altered in order to achieve a certain result. It’s not hilarious it’s a fucking crime.