Sleepy Hollow- Episode 9

Ichabod knows why Katrina is really in purgatory. But, now that they know Death himself is an enemy on a personal level with Ichabod, and the apocalypse is literally revolving around him, they decide that they  NEED Katrina.

Lena Gilbert, billionaire has just purchased a house, an old house, full of history, her family’s history in fact. As she scampers in with wide eyes, she finds a closet full of vines, one grabs her and cuts her, before she can react, they entangle her wrist.

Ichabod is missing his wife “at a time when people are giving thanks.” Abbie tells him that he has lost more than any man should and she understands and doesn’t take it personal that he is lonely.Irving calls the pair into his office. Turns out Lena’s family went back to the founding fathers. She’s “missing.” Also, it turns out that Lena’s family is also Katrina’s family.

The manor was a sanctuary (and former slaves could stay there safely and earn a fare wage). Upon entering, Abbie finds the man who was with Lena dead, appearing to have been attacked by an animal.They also see bloody hand prints and drag marks across the floor. Abbie tries to call it in: no signal. Goes for the door: it slams in her face.

“We’re in a damn haunted house.” -Abbie.

Abbie sees a ghost, typical Insidious style hauntings and creeps. Ichabod remembers a trip there with Katrina. When, in being a quaker a nurse and a witch and a debutant was she doing this? her backstory is preposterous. 

They find Lena in the closet and do their best to untangle her. And outside those trees from Evil Dead come alive. She screams at them that the house is alive (they don’t listen).

Back at Irving’s office, Jenny tries to invite him to dinner, his family shows up… nice to see some of his back story.

Apparently, in Lena’s family tree there was a warlock, he put a protection spell on the manor that got out of hand. What’s outside starts coming for them (filmed “ghostfacers” style, in the dark, choppy with flashlights for effect. It’s well done, helps the audience feel the sensation of being pursued).

Irving tries to explain to his ex-wife about the crazy things that have been going on, she accuses him of hiding from his responsibilities as a father. Macy and Jenny have a heart to heart. Jenny never really had the family thing and is nervous, it’s very endearing and it’s nice that Frank is getting a complex backstory as well.

At the haunted house, the two lose track of Lena and Abbie follows a ghost and sees Katrina birthing a son. Ichabod’s son. Then crows commit suicide smashing themselves into the windows. The second the son was born is when Groot the tree people come to life. They escape with Lena after a creepy battle by leaving in the same way the nursemaid took Katrina and the infant- but Crane goes back in and works out some rage against all those evil things that come for him and his.

At the end: Lena Gilbert sends them a gift  the documents that she found. Abbie’s ancestor brought Ichabod’s son into the world. And then they celebrate Tgiving with some rum! And toast to finding family!

This episode was great: excellent character development for Irving, brief but awesome Jenny appearance, Macy (Irving’s daughter) was played by Amandla Stenberg (Rue from Hunger Games). Super diverse cast gets more awesome by the moment. Apparently next week Ichabod is trying to find his son… reads the line “how far will a father go” …umm… he just found out this child existed…  maybe I’m bitter, but DNA does not make you a parent. But John Noble will be back!

The live tweet got a little intense as we debated the relationship status of the Mills sisters and their friends. Any hook ups that you’re waiting for? Or are you not buying the hype? Think Ichabbie should just go the “friends forever” route?

Also, I can’t be the only one who thinks that Katrina is ridiculous: she’s a Quaker nurse debutante witch …and mother. I feel like they constantly change her backstory (and then smush them all together) to suit their needs as the story continues.

Sleepy Hollow- Episode 8

Death is trapped and Abiie teaches Ichabod how to fist bump.

But try as they might, they can’t destroy him. But he is trapped in a bunker designed by Jefferson and his wife’s witch coven.

They plan to interrogate the Horseman.

“I don’t think he’ll talk.” -Captain Irving.

Ichabod and Abbie decide to call in Brooks (John Cho)

Irving: “A dead man, a mental patient and a time traveller from the American Revolution”

Abbie: “That’s our team.”

Meanwhile; 2 hunters find the Hessian’s horse and one makes a phone call saying they must assemble a team. Then he shoots the other.

Jenny gets picked up while she was enjoying a sunny day and a soy latte. No reason, but Irving wants to talk to her. Irving wants to make sure she’s really down. 

In Andy’s things, Ichabod finds a tablet with Egyptian hieroglyphs, and Andy freaks the hell out. Ichabod finds that Andy is the necromancer, he gives Andy a chance to redeem himself. Andy begs Abbie not to make him go to the horseman. His soul doesn’t belong to him anymore. He has no choice not to obey the horseman. But Abbie says please, and he agrees.

Irving takes Jenny to the scene of a faked robbery. The shop owner, hiding in a room behind a fake wall, has been shot. And something that could break the hex spell on the horseman’s cell has been stolen. Jenny surmises that they will take out the grid next so that the UV lights that weaken the horseman will go out. 

At the interrogation, Ichabod pushes the horseman and a  necklace belonging to Katrina falls from his uniform. Then we are treated to a flashback of Ichabod, Katrina and Ichabod’s friend who Katrina was originally betrothed to, Abraham. 

At the power grid, Irving and Jenny are teamed up and suited up. Irving gets snuck up on, but quickly gets the upper hand (Orlando Jones is such a badass lately). 

The Horseman says he knows Katrina’s destiny. Ichabod taunts him. The Horseman lashes out and says he will kill Ichabod. Ichabod was his mission, Washington’s prized soldier. The Horseman set out to avenge the death of Abraham (who Ichabod betrayed and killed!?)

The power goes out. UV lights are off. The Horseman releases Andy from his control. 2 hours until the power is back on and every minute the horseman grows stronger.

Abbie wants to know what happened with Abraham. Devastated after Katrina broke her troth, the pair were on a clandestine mission to deliver the Declaration and Resolves. Abraham is concerned about how he will look with Katrina leaving him! Ichabod confesses that Katrina admitted her love to him and he asks for his blessing (really, you thought this was the time?). Abraham challenges him, at first Ichabod refuses to draw his sword and yields, but Abraham does not decline. Hessians shoot Abraham while Ichabod is at his mercy and they surround Ichabod and Abraham, the other man orders Ichabod to flee and finish the mission. 

Abbie tells Ichabod that the interrogation must stop because he is out of control. Irving and Jenny come down to the tunnels. Irving suggests back-up, Abbie and Jenny disagree, could be dirty cops again. They decide to keep everyone out of the tunnels, but leave to get heavier artillery. Ichabod stays behind, unwilling to leave the horseman alone. Andy pulls a talisman out of his gut and recites an incantation that summons demons and will free the Horseman. He had tried to tell everyone that he had no choice and wouldn’t be able to stop something like this.

The Horseman challenges Ichabod to a sword fight. During the duel, he realizes the Horseman is really Abraham. Morlock came to Abraham as he died and he made a deal with the devil.He says that Katrina is held for him and will be his.again. At the last second before the Horseman has his revenge on Ichabod, Andy calls the acolytes of Morlock to secure the Horseman. Ichabod lives and the other two disappear.

Talking it over with Abbie, Ichabod says he created a monster. Abbie says that Abraham made his own choices and that people are responsible for themselves. They discuss Katrina and Ichabod says that she is the key and must be freed.

This episode was truly awesome. Action packed. Jenny’s back, Irving played a great role. 

Unfortunately… it didn’t really make sense overall. The Four Horseman of the Apocalypse… you know, from the Bible, had mythology that long predated the American Revolution. So how is it that Abraham could be one of THE Horseman? The whole universe revolves around Ichabod? a little ridiculous. Just a little. And why did it take so long for them to decide to get Katrina out? You’d think Ichabod would have been working on that somewhere in between contracting the plague and getting kidnapped by freemasons. But I’m glad it’s being addressed so she can either be free or dead and there is some sort of resolution either way with how Ichabod’s affections will go. 

I am pumped that Jenny and Irving and Andy were all in the foreground this episode, certainly the most diverse cast in genre fiction TV at the moment. Although this might hold more meaning if events of biblical proportions weren’t all centered around Ichabod (a true American patriot), his “true love” and a jealous jerk.

5 more episodes this season, I hope to see John Cho again and sincerely hope that we get more Jenny and that Captain Frank Irving gets his action on. After being skeptical and hands off in the first few episodes it’s nice to see him show what he is made of. 

Almost Human: episodes 1 + 2

Pilot. 

So the plot of this show, taking place in 2048 is essentially the plot of Dredd, which also starred Karl Urban. Which is fine, I like Dredd, Drugs have taken over schools and streets and cops are given robot reinforcements to help fight drug lords and violent gangs.

Karl Urban is there, as detective John Kennex with his robot back-up who he is arguing with because his robot does not understand the value of human life, he only understands odds, statistics. He does everything he can to save his partner but in the end they are blown to bits by the criminals they were pursuing. 

He’s getting some controversial treatments after being through the trauma and then a 17 month coma.

John gets called in to investigate following an armed robbery. His leg got blown off and he has a mechanical leg. 785 has been assigned to him. He wants a human partner but he is told by Lisa from Six Feet Under that robot partners are mandatory. She shows him the robbery video and points out why she thinks it’s connected to Syndicate. 

Richard, a fellow officer, blames John for getting his partner killed in the raid. He disobeyed instructions… blah blah.

While at the crime scene he has a flashback to the day his partner was killed. The MX says he thinks John had a seizure and he’s going to report what he saw. John says there’s nothing to report (which there is and isn’t) and it goes on from there until John pushes the bot out of the speeding car.

Saying his MX bust have experienced a software malfunction, he goes to get a new one (one who isn’t accusing him of getting black market medical treatment) and they give him a robot that got scrapped, one that was closer to human.

Dorian was decommissioned 4 years ago. “I express most data conversationally, man.” 

Richard calls the new team 2 from the scrap heap. 

Criminals in the same masks as in the robbery kidnap an detective Vogel and destroy his MX and John questions a suspect who was injured in the robbery. He shot himself to get away from the Syndicate. John threatens to throw Dorian out of the car. 

The suspect makes himself vomit and pulls a small explosive out of his stomach and sticks it on the back of the toilet.

They go to find Vogel and Dorian disobeys the MX models. Finding an elaborate trip wire and set up John knows they’ve been tricked. The tries to call in to Patel who is transporting the suspect. 

They gas Vogel right in front of him.

the suspect escapes.

MX units are made to feel nothing, Dorian wasn’t created that way. He read the file where John blamed the MX for leaving his partner behind to save others. 

Vogel was a test, the gas is designed to target cops. John heads to his doctor to undergo more treatment to remember what he needs to know about Syndicate to stop them from targetting police. While in the chamber, he recovers a memory, his girlfriend who disappeared while he was comatose was there. She was a member of Syndicate. Dorian busts in and gives him a shock to the heart. Saves his life.

Over noodles in the rain Dorian says he really did it for himself. If John were dead, he would be back to the scrap heap. John’s just lucky that he wants to be a cop so badly.

They discuss the differences in programming between MXs and Dorian’s type. John decides that they should recover the memory from Vogel’s MX’s memory and give it to Dorian because he can make the connection. Which he does, and they find that Syndicate is planning to hit the police evidence locker TONIGHT. 

Syndicate drops the MXs but Dorian, who runs on a different frequency, stays up. Evidence files get destroyed but John and Dorian save the lives of the human officers and apprehend a man high up in Syndicate.

Thanks to John and his DRN bot, lives are saved and Richard (and other haters) have no choice but to acknowledge this.

Skin.

A “bang bot” or a female robot designed specifically for sexual purposes is having tests performed on her while she flirts with a man. They are being watched and someone becomes concerned when they see she is not being used for her intended purposes. After he cuts a piece of her hair, 2 Albanian men bust in and kill the man performing the tests then they explode a DNA bomb so that there will be no traces of evidence that are not tainted. 

The man killed was an inventor, Sebastian Johns. He invented the first “sex robot” (used some of the same tech from the DRN models to make them more empathetic to the need and wishes of their partners. 

John and Dorian are showing off how cool they are to kids. Dorian shows them his glowing electrical veins under his skin… John stabs himself in his synthetic leg… the kids freak. Shocker.

They investigate the murder. The men’s faces show up as flashes of light on the security cameras, the girl shows up, the test for DNA wherever she touches on the footage and she is leaving behind traces of DNA from a 25 year old woman who was abducted from a parking garage. There have been 3 other cases that follow this pattern. The latest one was witnessed by the woman’s young child. 

John decides to show off that he can be good with kids, he gives a miniature giraffe that moves like a real giraffe to the boy, Victor, and tells him that he trusts him to take care of it, but that he needs him to be brave and tell him what he remembers with his mom. He remembers a big silver car- they find the car on security cameras with stolen plates. But atleast now they have a lead.

Sebastian Johns was being sued by his former business partner. John and Dorian go to see him. The company went bankrupt because their largest investor- Albanian business men- backed out. They said they could “cut out the middle man” but he finds it hard to believe anyone could make a bot as realistic as theirs. Of the Albanians he says, “They were good clients and they always paid on time,” that’s all he’s willing to say. 

Dorian hacks in and they find the connection. Then they head to the club and test the bots for human DNA. John is approached and asked if they want a bot. Special rate for cops.

The others have tracked the sedan to a warehouse and Detective Kennex and Dorian are dispatched. 

Dorian, noticing that John is attracted to the female robots, creates a profile for John on a dating website (his testicles were at maximum capacity). John describes what he wants in a woman and pretty much describes detective Stahl. who, speaking of, calls to say they’ve found the suspect’s vehicle. They get on the scene and find Vanessa, a sex robot who tests positive for human DNA, a woman named Lorraine who was abducted from a parking garage. Dorian is visibly upset because he knows that Vanessa is illegal and that she also has emotions the way Dorian does.

They attempt to question her for information but that doesn’t work out, so they access her data and find she was first activated in Kingston Heights. They raid Kingston Heights and find 2 of the 3 recently abducted women (including Victor’s mom) alive.

Dorian learns that Vanessa has to be deactivated but chooses to go and comfort her as it happens. John confronts his past and goes to see his former partner’s widow and son. 

There’s a ton going on here in the first two episodes, I’m glad we got further away from the “war on drugs” plotline from the first episode. I like Dorian, he’s caring, brave, determined to be a cop… but also missing many social cues while being tuned in meticulously on other levels. The idea of robots with empathy isn’t totally unique, but I think it’s really interesting that the police force was largely more comfortable with the MX models as opposed to the DRN, more inclined to use the models that played the odds, those that they don’t have to care about or feel anything for. That distance between the “authority” and other humans. It’s also very telling that the DRN models were decommissioned because they “snapped.” As robots given agency and empathy they process complex emotions but are still treated as “things” and not as people, those they risked their lives for and connected with considered them “less than.” Dorian was very concerned about who will remember him when he is gone while still worrying that he will end up back in the heap again and then witnessing Vanessa, a robot programmed to form connections, meet a cruel fate. 

Army of Darkness vs. Hack/Slash #3

It took super long for this to come out and then I waited a week and a half to pick it up. Was it worth the wait?

Yessir.

Issue three gets a new voice, that of Cassie Hack, serial killer killer. The final girl. 

The cult priestess is selling off the Necronomicon before Cassie and Ash come around.She sells it to a Mr. Raash, and offers him a deal -a huge discount in return for vanquishing “a skinny goth chick and a chinny pervert.” He accepts the deal and sets off with 3 deadly soldiers (and of course reads a page from the book of the dead to supe them up a bit.”

Meanwhile, our heroes are socking it to mini-clones and what not. And we’re reminded why Cassie is along for the ride when she receives a call from her partner, Margaret, and baby Sandra. They go stay in a hotel and go to their separate rooms and not too long after they are attacked by the most “alive” seeming deadites yet. A woman who looks like a panther, a well armed man with a snake tongue AND the world’s only Arctic Ninja. 

Instead of getting their heads blown off, Cassie reads some pages from the book of the dead. -Now how that works without absolutely heinous repercussions? I don’t know.

It’s a fun issue and I like having Cassie as the narrator this time. Seeing her opinion of Ash their friendship was awesome (and there were some mini-clones pandering to those who think they should be more than friends), and Margret making an appearance to remind us that Cassie is doing this for her fam. Definitely the best one yet.

Check out Variant Cover B (my personal fave) by Ben Templesmith, artist of 30 Days of Night. 

I’m really hoping the next issue of this doesn’t take as long to come out.

Dracula episode 4

Grayson is talking to Renfield about Lady Jayne, he knows if he kills her that they will send another. Lady Jayne is kicking ass and slicing throats in the moonlight.

Grayson has summoned a vampire (two of his cohorts killed by Lady Jayne that night) to help dismantle the Order of the Dragon.

Mina is glowing with happiness about marrying Harker. (I still hate the misogynist lout) Lucy and Grayson look on, seemingly happy with this news. But Grayson quickly starts discussing business and sends Harker off while the girls go to discuss flowers and settings. Grayson says the he his testing his resonating machine (it’s fake). Lucy is bored by the idea and departs, Mina is entralled. The machine starts to blow and steam billows out as bolts fly past. Grayson grabs Mina “to protect her” (or maybe to protect her… nah). It gets intense, He’s clearly emotional and she herself gives in to the embrace.

Grayson’s vampire buddy agrees that Mina is really Grayson’s dead wife. Not a mere resemblance, but her reincarnated.

He threatens the vampire that he must never mention this again and then goes off to spy on Lady Jayne. Who he should be meeting but is standing up even though she looks like a whole bag of sexy.

Mina doesn’t understand why Grayson has offered to host their wedding. She thinks it’s weird how involved he is. She takes her concerns to her fiancee and Harker tells Mina that it was Grayson who told him he was being a fucking sexist jerk and that he should properly appreciate Mina for who she is.

Mina continues as Van Helsing’s assistant. Later Van Helsing heads over to Grayson’s for his “treatment” you know, so he isn’t allergic to the sun… he tries it out, feels the warmth of the sun- right before his hand burns. The main issues it that it is working right at the injection site, but without blood circulating, that’s the only place. Van Helsing sees it as a breakthrough, Grayson is furious.

Mina is snooping around her Professor’s things and finds his special project. She starts to examine the cells, saying that it makes no sense that the cells are still alive. She is so interested that she misses her own engagement party that Lucy is throwing for her. Lucy is worried that she is losing her friend to her husband. Lucy is most certainly pining away for Mina.

Grayson turns up at Lady Jaynes, apologizing for missing dinner. She says he is “relentlessly optimistic” that she would have time for him. He promises her an evening that she will never forget. I don’t get these two. Grayson banters cheesy pick up lines at her and then takes her to a fight club(?!). She gets so turned on by the girl on girl violence that they have an eager and passionate “lovemaking.”

From all sides, including Daniel’s father, everyone is vying for a way to get to Grayson.

Renfield is displeased with Grayson’s impetuous vampire guest. Renfield knows that he can’t be trusted and wonderfully illustrates this point to Grayson who says that the younger vampire saved his life on the battlefield many times and that he can stay as long as he wants, he’s like a brother.

Grayson heads back the Lady Jayne’s, where she dumps him (while nearly exposing her nipples from her corset). He tries to psychoanalyze her: she only wants what she can’t have.

Grayson’s guest followed him to Lady Jayne’s. He is insulted at the relationship between the huntress and Dracula. He begs Grayson to let him kill her, to make her scream… and Grayson sheds a tear.

Harker is off getting the scoop on the deaths piling up around those vying to get close to Grayson.

Grayson’s vampire has gone to sneak in to Lady Jayne. Grayson catches him and they fight. The young one gets the drop,throwing him through a table an Grayson is laid out. But in the noise Lady Jayne wakes up and vanquishes the intruder.

Lady Jayne Grabs Grayson and says, “You saved my life” (not “how did you get into my house?”)

He tells her (while they share a bath) that he’s an insomniac and was out for a walk. Worst. Explanation. Ever.

She then tells her boss that she lured the creature into her home.

Grayson is sad about Yosef, his vampire, but says he would have understood. Renfield is all, “good thing we got rid of that guy.”

At the end of the episode, we see Renfield offering to help a woman with a baby carriage and then he is abducted by Daniel’s father. In the previews for next week we see him being tortured for info about Grayson.

This show is pretty on the level as far as feminism (as expressed by the ambitious Mina, the tough and sexual Lady Jayne and the savvy socialite Lucy). 

Other than that, this show is pretty teenage thus far. Mina’s the girl everyone wants who settles for some mediocre goon. Lady Jayne is the ice queen who always has an angle, freaking Dracula is stalking around playing games with everyone’s emotions; watching from afar, selflessly putting the girl of his dreams before himself (but trusting that she’ll find out). Yosef was a fuck up, but sometimes your friends are fuck ups, it doesn’t mean they aren’t your friends. Yosef is that friend who shows up drunk and ruins the party. Lucy’s in love with her best friend. It’s like Felicity but with blood drinking and killer fight scenes.

Until next week- what will become of Renfield? How long will Lady Jayne stay under Grayson’s spell?

It was recently announce that Layer Cake‘s Tamer Hassan has been added to the cast an will appear in episode 9 (6 episodes are being shown from season 1 before a hiatus) You can read slightly more about that than what I just typed here.

Forever Evil #3

I’ve been …disliking… this series. I know, everyone likes it. I don’t. Mostly because Ultraman is an over the top goon (blocking out the sun like a giant Monty Burns, being abusive to his girlfriend, Superwoman). Also because Lex Luthor’s opening scene had Luthor fondly remembering killing his sister’s pet. 

But, last issue Catwoman and Batman stepped back into the picture…

Batman returns and quickly learns what has happened to Nightwing. Despite the rift between them, he calls Nightwing a friend and rushes off to help him out. 

Lex Luthor is having his “I told you so” monologue. He told everyone that they relied too heavily on Superman. And now Superman is gone! And Metropolis, Gotham and everywhere else is screwed! He’s also hanging out with Bizarro, who picks him a flower instead of picking up a satellite dish so he can track the Crime Syndicate. 

Eventually Luthor and his undercooked FrankenSuperman get it online and he tracks Ultraman, who is having a battle high above the ocean with Black Adam (who?) his head gets squished til his teeth break and Ultraman drops him into the ocean, but the Ultraman’s nose start bleeding and he asks for Metallo’s location. 

In Central City- former home of the Flash- the Rogues have “failed” to level the city (you know, the hospitals and schools). Heat Wave is threatening the Rogues but Power Ring freaks out at them and is delusional thinking that the Rogues are trying to kill him. So they have a battle. I have no emotional investment or really even general interest in these characters…

Black Manta crawls up out of the water before Luthor and Bizarro with a very crumpled Black Adam. The way Manta sees it, the Crime Syndicate killed Aquaman The only thing he EVER WANTED! Soon after, Captain Cold (of the Rogues) hops through a portal and tells them the sitch.

So now Lex and Bizarro are joined by the Rogues, Black Manta and Black Adam. Is this a team? 

An egomaniac in a mechanical suit + a band of misfits + a pissed off villain + a half dead 2nd rate hero?

Better development this time, although I really need to know what Batman is going to do to free Nightwing! Not enough Catwoman. In fact, not enough ANY FEMALES. And this is the cover:

Not even close to what happened.

 

Legends of Red Sonja #1

Dynamite’s favorite Ginger, adventurer and swordslinger, She Devil with a Sword RED SONJA!

There are 3 parts of Red’s Legends contained in this issue, the first piece and framework, “Legends of Red Sonja” by Gail Simone who is currently writing the main Red Sonja series art by Jack Jadson (all female writers, no gender protocol for artists, as Gail Simone said, the men need a chance). The second, “Eyes of the Howling God,” written by Nancy A. Collins, Bram Stoker award winning horror author, who created a character, Sonja Blue, as an homage to Red. And the third, “La Sonja Rossa,” written by Devin Kalile Grayson with art by Carla Speed McNeil, Grayson has written loads of comics Batman, Catwoman and a 5 year stretch writing Nightwing.

A band of assassins are hunting Red Sonja. Hard to believe, amirite? They are united only in their hatred of Sonja. Driven by their need for vengeance. The Learned Assassin, Eles, has been hunting her the longest.

He met her when she was a thief. Sonja was prying the ruby eyes out of “the Howling God” statue when she was caught by monks with moons on their foreheads, seems she was defacing their religious idol. They try to grab her, then their leader threatens her with a ‘unique’ punishment since she’s the first female out of many thieves to try to deface their god. He says she can be “the temple whore” or she can face him in combat.

What does she choose? “Do you need to ask?”

Their leader goes all “Howling God” himself, turning into a wolfman. She stabs him through the chest and beats him dead then she goes about her business thieving. Eles was there that day, blind in one eye from facing her. He trained and learned the dark arts to face her once more and settle the debt for her blinding and slaying his god.

“Red is Her Name. And crimson follows her like vultures to a corpse.”

One legend rolls into the next as night turns into day and the Grey Riders meet with Captain Vitale Boulos who claims that Sonja sunk with his last ship. Red wasn’t the only beauty aboard the ship. There was another woman. And that woman? She summons a Kraken. She found out she was going to be sacrificed to a god, so no one can really blame her. “They say it is a great honor to be so chosen, but she, you know, perhaps she felt unworthy.” 

Sonja fights the creature from the deep with everything from her sword to her teeth. The Captain says she went down honorably, died fighting. But the riders don’t buy it, they’re sure she made it out of the water.

So they search on, but we have to wait for the next issue for the Legends of Fiction to tell the Legends of Red Sonja.

It’s no secret the Red Sonja and Gail Simone are my faves. (and all female authors adding their own twist? How could I not L<3VE this series?) So far the tales have been epic and extraordinary. A Wolfman and a kraken in the first issue? Awesome. The different phases were woven together perfectly, the art, the violence? Amazing. Very tall tales, by using perspectives of different travellers and adventurers, it creates an atmosphere where the stories are larger than life, like the history of great legendary tales passed down through oral traditions. Clever. Next issue features YA fantasy writer Tamora Pierce and steampunk romance author Meljean Brooks. So it will be interesting to see what authors from outside the action/comics realm bring in to the story. Word should travel quickly about the Legends of Red Sonja.

All New X-Men #18

I got sucked in after the crossover. I’m following Kitty Pryde. My fave X-Men book is next week, but I figured I’d see what the basis for Buffy was up to.

Nostaligia or newsflash from the past:

 

 

Kitty Vampire Slayer, Mutant X #13

Anyway, they head to the new Xavier School, in the location of the Weapon-X facility that they have re-appropriated. Of course, the original X-Men have not yet heard of Weapon X. Eva Bell shows Bobby to his room where he starts having a crisis thinking about what he’ll become (and Ice Wizard AND an Ice Hulk), or if now he won’t become that because he knows too much. As he’s baring his soul, Eva walks out. 

Jeannie and the Cuckoos don’t get along (makes sense since momma Emma Frost and the grown-up Jean were rivals). Phoebe Cuckoo debates a Ginger ‘do. 

Jeannie runs off to find Beast and complain but Beast is getting his passive aggressive on. They shared a kiss and then she ran off with Scott Summers (they stole a motorcycle and ran for their lives so they didn’t have to go back in time). She says she had to leave, that the Beast and Jean from the future were bad guys and they had to go (she started a brawl by hijacking Wolverine), she was right, of course. But Beast isn’t mad that she left, he’s mad she left with him. Jeannie starts losing her cool (do men do anything but fight over her?) until they are interrupted by Cyclops and summoned outside by Professor K.

No one shows up and Kitty send Cyclops off. The interactions between Kitty and Illyana are the best part. They’re so glad to be friends again.

41 hours later they get their team meeting. And new outfits. While Kitty is telling them all to train so they can make a better tomorrow… Jeannie is reading the minds of her male suitors. -they both decide to move on from her. And she freaks and starts levitating herself… which she has never done before. Angel swoops in and scoops her up… much to the dismay of Cyclops and Beast. 

Then, finally we step out of Dawson’s Creek when the portable cerebro device that Beast linked to the one Magneto built goes off. Big trouble in Florida.

Honestly wasn’t loving this issue. I was digging Kitty and Illyana, but frankly, too many crushes all centered around Jean and her acting holier than thou to the Cuckoos. Yeah, yeah, Jean, you’re so great and powerful. Also the cover is ludicrously misleading. 

 

That did not happen! What happened here was a superpowered episode of One Tree Hill!!!

Battle of the Atom Chapter 10

Or X-Men Battle of the Atom #2

SHIELD “has unleashed” a hail storm of bombs at ALL the past present and future X-Men (and Future Brotherhood) ensuring that here at Cape Citadel, where the X-Men were born, that some of them will die. 

SHIELD tries to regain control of their firing systems as the first flurry of bombs drop. Xorn/Jean and Xavier are behind this, of course, Quentin Quire, AKA Kid Omega AKA the Phoenix knows what’s up and confronts the telekinetics from the Future Brotherhood. Future Beast is still trying to convince everyone that the attacks from SHIELD are genuine but no one seems to care. 

But one missile holds Sentinels. So now SHIELD’s “anti-mutant ordinance” is exposed. When they realize what this means, convictions waiver. Future Beast is the first casualty.

Quentin accuses future Jean of blaming the Phoenix for going all “dark and psycho.” She’s all “you don’t deserve that power, it’s calling my name.”

Future Jubilee (who has lazer Wolverine claws) goes after Raze. She gets cheap shotted by the Sentinel. Shogo rushes in to destroy the robot. Colossus gets destroyed from the inside out by Xavier. Illyana goes all Darkchilde after seeing what has happened to her brother and her friends try to tell her to reign it in. Future Iceman is horrified by the X-Men on X-Men violence. Wolverine and Cyclops are attempting to take out Future Jean/Xorn and they are still squabbling over Who’s girl Jean is before the two men face off against her. She’s furious and barely holding herself together, becoming overwhelmed by her powers. 

To save Wolverine and Cyclops the original X-Men intervene. Young Jean reminds her future self that they TRIED to go home. She doesn’t need to do this. As future Jean self destructs, Xavier calls the Brotherhood to him. She explodes taking the Sentinels with her. 

Maria Hill reaches the ground but there is no living- or dead to be found.

Epilogue 1- Magik got them out, she kept from losing herself. Wolverine is still hardlining sending the original X-Men home (They tried to go home! did you all forget that?!). Of course the 5 X-Men from the past aren’t the only of the time displaced. There are still the bunch that Illyana transported from the future, though, they are down a few. Cyclops reminds everyone that SHIELD “tried to kill them” (which they should have thought the Brotherhood was behind, but the real issue) that they had Sentinels. 

Epilogue 2- Kymera (Storm’s daughter from the future) wants to stay in the present time to fight the Brotherhood. Shogo from the future and present day Jubes have a heart to heart (his mom, her future self is dead, remember?) She asks questions that she probably shouldn’t about how she deals with vampirism, but is mainly just happy that it all works out. That she adopted a son and raised him as an X-Men and it all worked out (after the very strange beginning, what with him being inhabited by an alien virus that could control technology and was bent on controlling the earth).

Epilogue 3- The X-Men from the future -sans Kymera- depart.

Epilogue 4- Kitty Pryde quits the Jean Grey School. She tells off Ororo, lashes out at Iceman and stuns Rachel, Wolverine and the rest. She and the original X-Men defect to Cyclops and the Charles Xavier School.  

After seeing Kitty Pryde relegated to the back burner by Storm in Brian Wood’s X-Men series, I was glad to see her take a hardline, I’m interested to see how this will impact the team dynamics in that series going forward. I’m sad about future Jubilee. Wolverine and Cyclops facing off on issues from the self-righteous to the teenage are very real. The art in this particular issue was not my favorite (what was up with Emma Frost? and some characters faded into the background while they were still fighting leaving it difficult to decipher what was happening). But as a whole this crossover event was monumentally entertaining, funny, epic and bad ass. I enjoyed that Illyana was the one to save the day. There wasn’t a huge resolution, the young original X-Men are still displaced and now they have to deal with the fall out of the 5 plus Kitty Pryde defecting.

Agents of SHIELD- episode 7

Coulson is kidnapped by Russian military, Coulson has a man on the inside, Agent Shaw. “The Calvary” Agent May arrives and starts kicking in faces and they escape to the tundra above. Simmons shoves a probe up Agent Shaw’s nose and recovers the intel. The intel is classified. Level 8 (they’re level 7, remember?) Skye offers to help decrypt it, but they decline and they head to “the Hub” Skye is eager to look for info on her parents. Coulson tries to keep her in line. Of course, that won’t work so they leaves her behind. 

Turns out the intel was on a Russian separatist group, looking to secede who have a device that can send vibrations and trigger any weapon. Expecting Ward and May to be dispatched, Agent Hand (played by Saffron Burrows) requests Fitz. Simmons dotes over him and makes him his favorite sandwich, he tells her not to do anything rash like jump out of an airplane. He even gets sassy with Agent Ward. 

On the drive out, Fitz tells nerdy stories about himself and Simmons to Ward, who is bored (but frankly, these stories are more interesting than Agent Ward). Ward, pretending to be looking for Uri is told that Uri is dead and that he has no friends there by a big man brandishing a gun. 

Coulson is talking with Agent Hand about how his recovery is almost over and that he’s one of Fury’s favorites. 

Ward and Fitz are confronted with a big woman who says Uri knew separatists and that she has no reason to trust the two of them. The power goes out just before a trigger gets pulled.

Skye goes to confront Coulson at the Hub and get more info about the boys’ mission. Coulson keeps it hush hush, she quips: “He’s acting like a robot version of himself right now.” har har more LMD jokes.

Skye tries to convince Simmons that they need to know what’s going on, maybe they can help! “I can’t be part of your bad girl shenanigans!” good girl Simmons exclaims, but she comes around when Skye points out that SHIELD sending in operatives in full gear means that their boys are in trouble, what it Fitz is tortured?!

But he’s not. He’s fixing the power, then he’s served a shot, which he downs with great enthusiasm, earning the trust of the Ruskies. 

Coulson watches Agent May do Tai Chi. She doesn’t let herself be interrupted, but Coulson spills his guts, he doesn’t like keeping the level 8 intel to himself. “Trust the system” he works out on his own.

Skye has Simmons on a secret mission, she’s jazzed about it. But an upper level agent recognizes her.

Meanwhile, Ward and Fitz are on the run hiding in a drain pipe. 

Simmons, unable to talk her way out of anything shoots Agent Sitwell with the stun gun. Skye scolds her and they go get Agent May to bail them out. 

Ward throws away Fitz’s sandwich!!! A buffalo mozzarella and prosciutto sandwich with just a hint of pesto aioli.” He says it is because dogs are tracking them, Fitz scolds back that Ward always has to be the hero and no he’s saved them from the world’s most dangerous sandwich. 

Skye is in a race to search for the boys or info on her biological parents. At the last second she chooses Ward and Fitz. There’s a note, their location. No extraction.

Coulson catches her. “You told me to trust the system. And the system sent Ward and Fitz in there to die.”

Finally! The government is not infallible!

Skye is furious that Coulson has kept this a secret from them. He says that “Someday I might need to trust you with a secret, and I need to know that you can keep it.” She hacked a level 8 server, does she really want to be a SHIELD agent?

Ward and Fitz get to their destination. They find the weapon that makes the vibrations. 

Coulson and Hand have a big blow out about who should have known what and when, who was entitled to it and how many times Coulson designed ops with no extraction. 

Fitz is dismantling the machine, time is running out. Ward tells Fitz to go, that he’ll take care of it. Fitz argues that he is every bit the agent that Ward is. As soon as the machine is disconnected the separatists will know that their security has been breached, but Fitz pulls the plug.

Skye has told Simmons and Agent May about Ward and Fitz and they head out. Coulson decides he is down as well. 

Ward AND Fitz kick some ass and get out.

And find… no one… But then the jet flies overhead:

“Extraction team?”

“Better. The Calvary.” 

Skye was dropped off at the orphanage by a SHIELD agent. Still shrouded in secrecy is why. May vows to help Coulson find out the whole truth for Skye, and for himself. He calls SHIELD and requests a file. About an agent. His recovery took place in Tahiti. He’s declined. Suspicious? oh yeah. But I don’t know why we are still dragging this out when anyone who’s ever seen a comicbook knows Coulson is an LMD. Surprise me, TV. Make it good.

Agent Hand appeared in Brian Michael Bendis’ run on Dark Avengers (I’m a big fan of his, he’s been doing rad stuff with the X-Men), I wonder if she’ll be back! 

Good development for Fitz, I liked him being ore than a quirky nerd and great development for May and Coulson’s friendship as well.