Book freaking 21 of the Anita Blake: Vampire Hunter series.
I’ve read all of this series. Some of them were good (including Skin Trade, which is book 17)
Some of them are (OMG) terrible. Just awful. (I’m looking at you, Micah: book 13!)
When a fifteen-year-old girl is abducted by vampires, it’s up to U.S. Marshal Anita Blake to find her. And when she does, she’s faced with something she’s never seen before: a terrifyingly ordinary group of people—kids, grandparents, soccer moms—all recently turned and willing to die to avoid serving a master. And where there’s one martyr, there will be more…
But even vampires have monsters that they’re afraid of. And Anita is one of them…
Anita Blake bugs me. But I’ve read all 21 of the series (and will read the new one out next month), so I guess… whatever. seriously. I can’t even justify my behavior.
LKH writes good characters, but then there’s nothing for them to do but act like crybabies, almost die, or have sex. Lots of sex. Most of these books have no plot. It didn’t start out that way. The earlier ones had plot, usually Anita chasing a murderer or having to raise the dead for some deceptive character, and not just a bunch of sex and action scenes stuck together and then somehow the plot gets wrapped up in broad strokes in the last chapter. The worst. This one was slightly better at not doing that.
With the Mother of All Darkness and the Harlequin handled Anita gets down on some good old fashioned police work. Which is a much better use of everyone’s time.
But of course, the book begins with an interrogation of a vampire that’s been arrested. He breaks out of his chains (why would they not have vampire proof handcuffs?) and attacks Anita OMG, and Anita has to fight him and during the fight everyone sees her thong and garter belt. Honestly, what the shit are you doing wearing that to police work?
What didn’t I like:
LKH obviously discovered the word “heteroflexible” recently. And thusly, she overuses the shit out of it.
Anita has a crybaby whinefest about how everyone thinks she’s a monster. She starts a fight with Larry about it, vampires call her the boogeyman. blah blah, this happens in every book. Simultaneously, she’s being accused of going soft on the monsters and not being able to do her job. You can’t have it both ways.
Anita Blake is constantly talking about what a “guy she is” how she “understands guy code” yada yada, LKH, on her blog, also says these things about herself. STOP THAT. Girls aren’t all frigging blabber mouths bent on having constant heart to hearts. Meanwhile, there are so many fucking whiny crybaby men in all these books… In this one; Asher, Cynric, Dev, Nicky all stop and have random ass heart to hearts, so does a brand new officer, Brice, who comes out to Anita immediately, even though he’s hiding that he is gay from everyone else. One of these long talks was in the middle of shower sex, why the fuck are you talking so much? And there is less of this in this book than in previous novels, but someone always cries.
And Anita almost kills someone who is having sex with her (which is pretty typical for this series). And then she walks down the hall and bangs someone else. Really? Someone just had to get his heart jump started, you don’t just want to… like, watch TV or something? Don’t worry, he was fine. He was even at the strip club later. LKH hates killing people off.
Anita always has to stop and have an inner monologue about her boobs. I don’t get it.
And then there was this:
Jean-Claude: “America would be in its expansive, empire building stage, but you came of age too late. The world leaders, and military would never allow such conquest now.”
Anita: “It would be nice to start keeping some of the land and resources that our soldiers are dying for.”
what the fuck. Don’t use your vampire smut to spout your fucked up political views.
reality check, LKH: American territories; Guam, the US Virgin Islands, the Northern Mariana Islands, American Samoa and Puerto Rico. That shit is fucked up.
The conversation was supposed to be about vampires not blood-oathing to Jean-Claude, instead there was a small minded exchange about Iraq and imperialism. POR QUE??
Things I did like:
There was lots of Nicky. He’s a one-eyed werelion. My personal favorite of Anita’s 16 boyfriends.
The Mother of All Darkness, dead and gone, not effing up Anita’s shit and random metaphysical ways. I’m glad that story arc has ended. It wasn’t always bad. But I’m glad it’s not being dragged out anymore.
More Zerbrowski! More Claudia! Plot had a conclusion! I like Anita doing Marshal stuff.
Chances are, you’re already sucked into this madness, or you probably wouldn’t start reading at book 21. It’s not the best one (for smut or plot) but it’s not bad after the whole exchange with Larry and everybody “Woe is me, am I a monster?” It was a fun read. Seriously, though, kill some people off. 2.5 Silver Bullets.